Cupid has his work cut out navigating love’s minefield

A survey of speed-daters confirms men and women often want different things when on the hunt for a mate, writes Katherine L. Milkman

their own, and they actually found women whose ambition exceeded theirs to be off-putting.

Disappointingly, this finding aligns with other recent research. For instance, a team of economists at the University of Chicago showed that when women out-earn their husbands, marital satisfaction is lower, and divorce is more likely. Another recent study, of MBA students, suggests that single women are worried about this issue and try to avoid being penalised for it by potential mates: Single female MBA students hid their ambition on questionnaires when they expected male classmates to see their answers. For ambitious women, perhaps a better approach would be to seek equally ambitious partners, while we all work on changing social norms.

Lest you be left with the impression that only men revealed politically incorrect preferences in the Columbia speed-dating study, however, let's set the record straight: Women have some, too. For one, they prefer men raised in more affluent post codes, while men show no such preference for a moneyed upbringing. In addition, women are dramatically more interested in partners of their own race, while men show no such in-group preference.

In another interesting twist, the researchers discovered that men are equally discerning when it comes to the women they'd like to see again no matter how many people are in a speed-dating pool. Their standards remain unchanged whether they meet 10 or 20 potential partners. Women however, become pickier the more partners are “on the market”.

What does this all mean on Valentine's Day?

If you're on the market for a mate, it seems advisable to worry a lot about appearances. Whether that means hunting for a great hairdresser; signing up for a personal stylist or seeking a wardrobe refresh, it could be a good investment. And reading more is a good idea, too — the returns are probably worth it. Women, please don't hide your ambition! But you may find more lasting love if you look for an equally ambitious partner. Men, if you're looking for an uptown girl, you may encounter snobbery, but never fear — as long as there aren't too many fish in the sea, you have a chance! Isn't that romantic?

Happy Valentine's Day.