Survivor: ‘There are wounds that never show’
For years she lived in fear. Sally was belittled, abused, bullied and controlled. Her husband told her what to wear, how to style her hair, who to speak to and what to say.
He never hit her, never left a mark on her body, but he tore emotional and psychological scars every single day.
Sally was a prisoner in her own life and it would take years before she realised what was happening — she was a victim of domestic abuse.
One day, fearing the rest of her life — and her young daughter’s — would be enveloped in fear, she walked into a police station and asked for help.
She had no idea how much Victim Support would do to help free her from her miserable marriage.
“If it wasn’t for Victim Support, I don’t know where I’d be,” she said.
“To be truthful, I probably wouldn’t be here — there were days I just couldn’t cope, I’d shut off.”
Sally, who asked for her name to be changed so her now ex-husband could not identify her, said no one ever saw what he was really like.
“All they saw was the businessman, fisherman, their friend, the sports player, but they never saw what was going on behind the closed door,” she said.
“I had sometimes wished he had hit me, then people would have believed what he was doing, what he was capable of.
“If words were punches, I’d be black and blue. There are wounds that never show, that are deeper than anything that bleeds.
“He would constantly tell me I was stupid, he told our young daughter she was a failure, ‘ dumb like your mother’ and ‘ a waste of time’.
“Her childhood should have been carefree, instead she lived in a fear of darkness.”
Sally said her family begged her many times to leave him, but she couldn’t see a way out.
“I was too proud to talk to anyone in the early stages because there was no proof, no physical marks, no bruises,” she said.
“I would pretend I was okay. I was destroyed. I was so desperate for someone to look me in the eyes, give me a hug and say ‘you’re not okay’.”
When Sally finally mustered up the strength to go to police, one of the first things they did was refer her to Victim Support.
“I didn’t even know it existed until then,” she said.
It took her a while to realise that she was a victim and that she deserved help.
“They opened my eyes, I think a lot of people don’t realise exactly what they are there for.”
Victim Support helps many people who have lost a loved one in a traumatic event, or been a victim of or party to one; it also helps thousands of domestic and sexual An independent group set up to help victims of serious crime and trauma. Hundreds of volunteers provide emotional and practical support, information, referral to other support services and advocacy for the rights of victims. To donate or to find out more about becoming a volunteer go to For the rest of
series, as well as video interviews and motion graphics, go to violence or abuse survivors.
“Domestic violence isn’t just physical, I was equally a victim,” Sally said.
She spoke on the phone regularly to a Victim Support volunteer and said the woman gave her the strength to get through the separation from her husband.
She was helped through the process of getting a protection order, leaving her home and resettling with her daughter.
“They made sure I knew my options, they empowered me, they gave me the strength to have a voice.”
Sally now volunteers for Victim Support herself, inspired by her experience and determined to pay it forward and help as many people as possible.
“I am passionate about helping and making people aware of domestic violence; there are so many more victims and survivors out there,” she said.
“I’m a survivor. By telling my journey, I’m not reliving it, I’m not being revictimised — it’s about courage, empowerment and strength.”
She chose to share her story with the Herald to help raise awareness about Victim Support and to encourage people to back the organisation financially or by getting involved personally.
“There are a lot of volunteers out there giving up their time, their own lives to help others,” she said.
“It’s an organisation that gives so much to the community.” Chris Cowell know we exist or what we do.”
It’s an on-call system, so Cowell works when, if and where she is needed.
“When you’re on call the police phone you and ask if you can help,” she said.
“Once you get the call and get there, you assess the situation, talk with the officer in charge and make an assessment of how you can best help the people there.”
Cowell has attended countless incidents including homicides, sex attacks, suicides and family harm.
She has special training for