Foster carer: Best reward is trust
Woman shares ups and downs of looking after other people’s kids as social agencies plead for more caregivers
Asocial issues sign of trust from your foster child is the biggest reward in the job. That’s why Michelle fosters kids. She is opening up about life as a foster parent as a chronic shortage of caregivers causes social agencies to beg for more.
This crisis comes as a recent study revealed a quarter of Kiwi kids were reported to child protection services by the time they are 17. Almost 10 per cent had been a victim of abuse or neglect and 3 per cent had been put into foster or other care.
Michelle, of Wellington, became a foster carer two decades ago and now cares for five kids — aged 2, 3, 4-yearold twins and 7 — while studying for her PhD. She calls life “busy”.
Foster kids arrive frightened and in “survival mode”. The biggest reward was seeing the kids open up and start to trust, Michelle said.
Most of the children had learned coping mechanisms from abuse. They were often very compulsive, especially around food.
One arrived aged 31⁄ non verbal and still in nappies, Michelle said.
Once her fingers got jammed. “And instead of crying [she] just stood there and looked at me.
“That was horrific for me. Because I’ve never seen a child be hurt and not be able to cry. Now . . . if she hurts herself she knows that it’s safe for her to call out to me that she’s hurt, and to me that was a big thing.
“It takes three to five months for them to cuddle or sit by you, that’s really neat.”
The kids call Michelle mum and
HWatch the video at nzherald.co.nz refer to each other as brother and sister. But they all know they have a “tummy mummy” too.
Michelle continuously links them back to where they’re from, which she believes is important for their healing and identity.
She urges more Maori to think about becoming caregivers to look after the high number of Maori children in the system. “Unless you know where that culture stems from you can’t ever give the child the depth they need for that.”
But it’s not easy. Most of the children Michelle has cared for have some kind of learning difficulty. This means routine, set bedtimes and security were key to progress.
She doesn’t mind if they’re angry as “they have a lot of stuff to be angry about” but they’re not allowed to hurt anyone or themselves.
Michelle has gone through the court system to become a home for life to the three eldest, the youngest children’s court case is coming up soon and she hopes to be in the same situation with them. “It provides stability, I prefer doing long-term care because you develop a relationship. They know they’re there. It’s quite horrific for them to move on.”
Last June 5708 children were in state custody and there were 3672 approved caregivers. Some caregivers can care for more than one child but numbers were still tight.
Foster agency Key Assets director Wayne Ferguson said the rising population meant foster carers were in need now more than ever. He estim- ated hundreds more carers were needed to fill demand. “The number of carers is at an all-time low. We are in desperate need of foster carers.”
Ministry for Children — Oranga Tamariki spokeswoman Janet Smart agreed more caregivers were needed.
Caregivers get a fortnightly allowance for board, personal items and pocket money. It ranges from $147 to $207 depending on the child’s age.
If you are interested in becoming a carer, visit the Ministry for Children — Oranga Tamariki or Key Assets.