The Monday Column
came to stay last week. Neither had been to Auckland. They had spent a week in the South Island before they arrived and, from what they had heard, were expecting a hell on earth. Apocalyptic traffic, terrible weather, debilitating pollution, grumpy people. A massive overcrowded nasty smelly rat hole. The classic South Island myth that Auckland is crap.
My English visitors were shocked to find a leafy subtropical paradise.
“This is Southern California,” said Rob, my English brother-in-law. “Where’s all the traffic?” added my lovely sister Imogen.
“How come it’s so warm up here and so cold down south?”, they both asked. “Shall we go to the pub?” they suggested. “Great food”. “Friendly service”. “Such a relaxing town”, “Great beer selection”. “Another drink?”.
The positive comments and questions kept coming. Turns out Aucklanders have a lot in common with the English. We both love warm weather, leaves on trees, beaches, happy people and drinking outside.
The rest of the country believes Auckland is one big overpriced traffic jam. I grew up in Dunedin. I used to believe that, too. Many of my kind hate it so much they won’t even visit.
On our Radio Hauraki Breakfast show the other day my co-host Jeremy Wells played a word association game. He asked people south of Bombay to say the first thing that came into their heads when he said “Auckland”. “Traffic” was the main response. Sometimes house prices, sometimes tossers but mainly traffic.
People from truly congested cities laugh at our pathetic congestion. They think it’s quaint. I’m not saying we don’t have a traffic problem. Try driving down Dominion Rd on a Saturday arvo. Our traffic is super bad in New Zealand terms. Terrible for a city of our size. But try LA, New York, Bangkok, London or even Sydney. Shanghai, Hong Kong. We have nothing on those guys. Yet half the country won’t even visit Auckland because of the traffic. Classic.
If you want to get British visitors really juiced up take them to Waiheke Island. The ferry ride is an experience in itself.
Become a proud tour guide. They love it. “Rangitoto last blew up 50 years ago”, “The All Blacks swim to Motuihe Island and back every day”. “There are 8m-tall giant moa still living in the Coromandel”. It feels good to share your local knowledge with eager travellers.
“Our sun will burn you alive” is a piece of knowledge you should definitely share with them. There are few things redder on this earth than a pasty Brit two days into a Kiwi holiday.
International studies rate our city highly. Overseas visitors love the place. Aucklanders love the place. Our children love growing up here. The only people who don’t rate Auckland are everyone else in New Zealand. I guess all we can do is battle on. Muck through up here in paradise. Warm, happy and loved by the world.