A mother’s grief
Son fatally hit by car last month was her third child to die
Queenie Withers’ grief is sharp and raw as she talks of the three children she’s lost in separate tragedies. She lost a baby girl in 2006. Nine months later a young son died. Then last month she lost her son Whetu Peke, 16, who died when he was hit by a car on Wharepoa West Rd in Kerepehi, not far from Thames.
She shared her story with the Herald to pay tribute to Whetu.
The mother of seven says she hasn’t slept more than four hours a night since the teenager died. Withers, 41, can’t stop thinking about her three “heaven babies” and what it would be like if they were still alive.
“Losing two was really, really hard. Losing another one is unbearable.
“Burying your own child is the worst thing ever. When it’s your babies you crumble inside. “I cry every day.” It was February 10 when Whetu played his last game of Playstation at his friend’s house, visible from the back porch of Withers’ home.
His little brother Zodiac was with him and Whetu decided to walk him home at twilight. A farmer had asked them to stop cutting through his paddocks so they took the road route.
They walked on the right-hand side to face the oncoming traffic. But they were hit from behind. At home, Withers heard a bang. She thought it was a tractor.
“Then we heard yelling.”
Zodiac ran to get help and was brought home by family friends.
“Zodiac came home. He ran out of the van while it was still moving yelling out . . . That’s a yell you don’t ever want to hear.”
The gathered group of family and bystanders searched for Whetu. But it wasn’t until Withers decided to check the other side of the road that she saw his crumpled, twisted body.
The autopsy showed Whetu died of a head injury while also suffering broken legs, cracked ribs and a damaged liver.
As the car had come spinning towards the boys Whetu shoved Zodiac away from the road. All Zodiac remembered was his brother’s body flying through the air, Withers said.
“A brother saved a brother. I could have been burying two that night.”
Tears choke Withers every few minutes as the waves of memories swell and engulf her. Whetu was buried next to his two siblings in the family urupa not far from home.
His little sister Nataria died from pneumonia at 6 months old in 2006. Withers thought she had the flu so took the baby to the doctor, who said just let her rest. The next morning she was found dead in her bed.
Nine months later toddler Maryik died. His heart stopped with no warning. The family later found he had had a heart murmur. Since then Withers has supported the Heart Foundation with regular donations in Maryik’s honour.
“It was tragic,” she said. “We were just coming right as a family when Maryik passed away. It takes a long time to heal. “I thought we just got on our feet not long ago. Sometimes I don’t know how I survive but I’ve got good family, awesome friends, and a great community.”
Tall, strong Whetu was
mischievous and cheeky, bright and respectful. As a teen he had been rebellious but was a softy at home.
He loved sports, playing rugby as a child and showing promise in AFL in Perth. He was to have started a sports course the week after he died.
“He got the MVP [most valuable player] award last year. He was mean to watch. His tackles were wicked,” Withers remembered.
“He had to lean down to give me hugs. He was a cuddly boy.
“He wanted to become a lot of things. He had a lot of dreams . . . And he would want us to carry on.
“He always says ‘ don’t give up mum, you can do it’.
“That’s what I used to say to them when they were kids.”
Withers’ rental is impeccably neat. It’s sparsely furnished with no clutter crowding the empty sofas. She’s not allowed to hang pictures in case it damages the retro wall paper so she settles for two frames of Whetu propped up by the front door.
“It’s just so quiet at home. It’s not the same without Whetu. If we weren’t laughing we were arguing, he thinks he’s always right, that one.
“I’ve just been sitting here waiting for this to end. It feels like it’s not closed yet.”
The family were meant to have unveilings for the little ones this year, they’ll wait for next year to do all three now. Withers will fundraise the $8000 needed for headstones.
Withers has been with her partner Boogie Peke for 20 years and they’ve been engaged for seven. She doesn’t think they will ever get married though — she couldn’t bear to have a wedding without their full brood.
On the night of Whetu’s crash Peke told Withers he felt sorry for the driver who would wake in the morning and realise what he had done.
“My response wasn’t that good.” Her son had just died and the driver was “the one who got to live”.
“It’s good to forgive but you never forget. I’m angry with [the driver]. He could be hurting, I don’t want to hate the boy, I just want to ask him why.”
No charges have been laid over the fatal incident. Police are still investigating and are unable to comment.
On anniversaries and birthdays Withers and family visit the graves of her babies. “I talk about my son all the time. It’s important to keep the memories alive. It keeps us alive.
“Just because they’re gone, doesn’t mean they are not a part of our life.”