How I turned self-destructing life around

Two major frights made The Hits’ Paul ‘Flynny’ Flynn take a good hard look at his partying ways

Igot up after a big night out. I couldn’t remember how I got home or how I found my bed. My head hurt, I was sweating buckets, and my heart was beating so fast and hard I thought it might pop out of my chest.

I looked in the mirror and saw my red, blotchy round face and big, flabby, stretchmarked gut — and I thought yuck . . . what sort of a woman will ever want me?

This was a standard morning for me back in the late 90s/early 2000s. I was only in my early 20s, but my life was spiralling out of control.

I would suck in my stomach when I looked in the mirror and fool myself that I wasn’t stacking on 15kg every six months.

Lunch each day would be burgers and fries or butter chicken, dinner something equally stodgy and then into the booze like there was no tomorrow.

And I felt awful — I had no energy, I was progressively getting grumpier and it was starting to affect my work and relationships.

People were starting to say — “are you okay? Maybe we could go for a walk together? When is the last time you had a good sleep?” I dismissed them — even laughed, cos I knew better and no one was going to tell me otherwise.

I was self-destructing and couldn’t see it, or was too belligerent to accept it.

One day this neglect of myself and my health saw the first fright that scared me into action. I argued with my boss and, shamefully, swore at her. I was still recovering from my weekend and taking it out on everyone else.

Next day a written warning was given and I was sent home. I was terrified. Would I lose my job? What would the folks think? My boyhood dream of being a radio star was on the brink of being over.

I started walking to work — it was 40 minutes each way. I improved my diet a bit and stopped drinking Coke and voila — I dropped 10kg in a few months.

I felt amazing — and people started to comment about how good I looked, which spurred me on. Shortly after, I met my future wife — a beautiful woman who was a fitness fanatic. We married and my weight went up and down a lot. She encouraged me to start running — I laughed at her for the first several years.

Then the second fright happened. Dad was not well and his heart was playing up — things were looking dicey and he was only in his fifties.

Dad and I are so similar in looks and body type, and immediately I feared for him — would I lose him? Dad is the best person I know to talk to when I have a problem, what will I do if he kicks the bucket?

Thankfully he didn’t, he had bypass surgery and was back with us. Phew!

And then I looked in the mirror. Things needed to change, and fast.

So that night I went for a run — I lasted about two minutes and my lungs were giving up, but it was a start.

I went to bed and then it started — my heart pounding out of my chest. Surely this must be my heart packing it in early. My body getting payback for all that neglect. All that partying.

Thirty-two years of virtually zero exercise and too much sugar, fat and booze. I started freaking out, what a loser. An amazing wife, three beautiful kids, and I was going to die in my 30s and leave them alone.

This heart pounding got worse over the following days and I went to my doc. He said, “Mate you are suffering from anxiety. You are going through a stressful time.”

I didn’t believe him and in my mind my heart was going to explode at any time, and I was basically history. He referred me to a cardiologist (at my request) and I had every test under the sun.

My heart was in good order but he did find a tiny speck in my artery, the early part of cardiovascular disease.

This was nothing to do with my heart-pounding though — turns out the doctor was right. Anxiety had begun to dominate my entire life and my heart beating was on my mind every second of the day and night that I was awake.

My neglect of my health had not only affected my physical body but unbalanced my brain chemicals too.

I kept running, though — and through a combination of determination and terror about dying I ran further and further, and I hardly touched a scrap of junk food.

I lost so much weight so fast, and slowly but surely, bit by bit, I felt the anxiety leaving me. I started feeling like the happiest version of myself I could remember.

The sun started to look bright and beautiful, and I even got to the point of doing a half marathon — and finished it.

My heart had been pounding so hard for close to a year — and then one night I went to bed and thought — man I haven’t felt it for a while. I must be better! The truth was my anxiety had slowly subsided and I was feeling so calm and rational and stable, I had forgotten to stop and think about my heart beating.

Fast-forward to 2018. Life has had its ups and downs and sometimes it has kicked my arse.

Sometimes I put on weight, sometimes I lose it again.

But largely life is amazing. I have an incredible family. I’m 38 and I feel confident in myself and who I am — but it’s what I have learned that will carry me into the rest of my life.