It’s true — pies are a window to the soul
Celebrity examples back theory fave says a lot about you
It’s Beer and Pie July again. A time when New Zealanders come together and celebrate two of our favourite things — beers and pies.
Unlike other monthly causes Beer and Pie July isn’t trying to fix you. It doesn’t even have a charity involved. Beer and Pie July simply challenges Kiwis to have at least one beer and one pie every day for a month.
The tens of thousands who get on board each year do it for themselves because they deserve it. Because pies and beers are delicious. It’s the rhyming month campaign with no strings attached.
Some believe that your “go to” pie says a lot about who you are as a person. There’s a list of traits associated with each flavour. To celebrate Beer and Pie JuIy, I’ve decided to test this theory. I started close to home.
Jeremy Wells my co-host on the Matt and Jerry Breakfast Show on
Radio Hauraki
Jeremy Wells just loves a potato top pie. Classifieds Weather Puzzles loves a potato top. He says “it covers off all the major food groups. Vegetables, meat and transphobic acids”.
But what does that say about him? Well, according to the theory, potato top pie eaters enjoy a great year-round tan, can read an autocue reasonably well and often hover around on the front foot at the batting crease. Pretty accurate description of Wells.
Buoyed by that success I tried it out on a bunch of other notable Kiwis. All Blacks captain Kieran Read is a steak’n cheese guy. This suggests a no-nonsense personality. Traits associated include relentless commitment, natural leadership abilities, boyish good looks and complete domination of the inside channel. Interestingly that’s Minister of Finance Grant Robertson’s fave pie too. Also a loose forward. The system works.
The lovely Toni Street’s pie of choice is a mince and cheese. TV Listings How to relax at The Wynyard Quarter.
Last Tuesday was a scorcher in the town of Quriyat, Oman. Temperatures in the town, which is weathering a miserable heat wave, peaked at 49.8C during the day. That is just shy of the Omani record-high temperature of 50.8C set on May 30, 2017. But anyone in Quriyat hoping for an evening respite from the extreme heat would have been disappointed: Temperatures fell to a low of just 42.6C. That’s a world record: the highest “low” temperature ever recorded in history. (Source: Live Science)
Gary Bridger of Greenlane writes: “Colenso High School, Napier, mid1960s. An English teacher, known for his booming voice and strict discipline, was standing in for the woodwork teacher. While English teacher was using a machine to reduce the thickness of a large piece of wood, it suddenly stopped. Believing a boy had deliberately pulled an emergency cord to cut the power, English teacher flew into a fit of rage and demanded the culprit owned up. When nobody did, he decided to punish the whole class and had us stand to attention beside our workbenches. English teacher marched up and down the rows of benches, ranting and raving with frequent threats he would also cane the lot of us. His performance would have made an army drill sergeant proud. As we neared the end of a totally unproductive period, the power was finally switched back on but the machine still didn’t work. The metalwork teacher was called in and found English teacher had overloaded the machine and its circuit breaker had popped. English teacher stormed out without an apology.” Lunch will put a spell on you. (Spotted by Larry Tompkins.)
“Last Monday I stopped at a petrol station to fill up,” writes Steve Hosken. “There I am, bowser pump in hand, filling my car with petrol. A car pulls up on the other side of the same pump, no more than a metre from me and my petrol fuming pump. The driver has all his windows down and sits there sucking in the last few drags on a cigarette. He then throws the still lit butt out the window on to the ground right beneath the pump. Now the funny (tragic?) bit. Written in large graphics on the side of his car is . . . SADD: STUDENTS AGAINST DANGEROUS DRIVING.”
If that’s you too you generally love babies. Which also works for Simon Bridges, another mince and cheese fan. Amazing.
Sky Sports commentator Scotty J. Stevenson is on the cusp between steak and cheese and peppered steak. These people often know their code, look great in a suit and sport a pair of big friendly cow-like eyes with great lashes.
Seven Sharp host Hilary Barry loves a heavily-sauced straight mince and cheese. New Zealanders with this preference often run a warm aura, are great on and off script, enjoy stellar ratings, a glass of wine and sometimes erupt into uncontrollable laughter with the power to unite the nation.
Crowd Goes Wild superstar James McOnie is a chicken and vegetable pie man. Ability to analyse sports with warmth, humour and intellect.
Interestingly, Alternative Commentary Collective head Mike Lane loves a mussel pie. Dodgy.
Media personality Leigh Hart refused to reveal what his favourite pie is but claims his great-uncle Kenny invented the J65-4000 cheese injector that enabled hot cheese to be inserted into meat pies. This has never been verified but to this day he gets upset when he sees someone
Leigh Hart claims his great-uncle Kenny invented the J65-4000 injector that enabled hot cheese to be inserted into meat pies.
eating a steak and cheese. Apparently his family never got a cent from the invention.
1 News anchor Simon Dallow is big on the steak and mush. I’m willing to bet that other steak and mush fans include Steven Adams, Irene Van Dyke, Alex Pledger and Sam “Captain Caveman” Whitelock.
When I was informed PM and mother of one Jacinda Ardern loves a mince potato top, I had a slight crisis of confidence. You will remember from the Jeremy Wells reading: potato top fans “Enjoy a great tan year round, are comfortable behind a desk and prefer to hover around on the front foot at the batting crease”.
Fits for Wells but not so great for the PM. So I went back to her people with a “please explain”.
Turns out she likes cheese on top of her potato top pie. Hence the inaccuracy of the initial reading.
A little thing like that can make a big difference in an exact science like this. Allegedly David Bain’s fave pie is a quiche. Which isn’t a pie. So read what you like into that.
Feel free to contact me if you want your pie reading done. No cost. But note I don’t do sausage rolls, lasagne toppers, or chicken cordon bleus yet.
Beer and Pie July. What a treat. Pledge your support assured in the knowledge you will be helping no one but yourself.
If you missed the first day yesterday don’t worry. Just have two or more pies and two or more beers today and you’re back in the club.