Swearducation best left to playground
Author may have a damn good point but I’m not buying it A18-22⏐ So if swearing is so great, why wouldn’t we get our kids into it?
As you’ve probably seen, British neuroscientist Dr Emma Byrne has been running around claiming swearing is great. Reckons everyone should get into it, even your 2-year-old kid.
She’s written a book, Swearing is Good for You: The Amazing Science of Bad Language.
Apparently, swearing makes us stronger and better able to bear pain in times of need. Less likely to resort to violence and helped bring our ancestors together socially. So if swearing is so great, why the f wouldn’t we get our kids into it?
I don’t swear in front of my kids. I’ve been trying to work out exactly why. Like most New Zealanders I swear everywhere else.
I blame my dad.
He didn’t swear in front of me till I moved out of home. First day back to help on the farm he dropped three waratahs on his foot and yelled so loud it echoed all the way up to the pines out back of the top paddock. Seventeen years of not swearing because he thought that was the right thing to do.
That’s some serious self-control. I have a lot of respect for that.
No one wants their kids swearing at teachers. That’s trouble no one needs. To stop this Dr Byrne suggests we explain the words and why not 6am-9am weekdays. to use them. But surely you can cover that off by simply saying “don’t swear at the teacher or I’ll smash the PS4”. My youngest son knows he’s not allowed to swear. But he’s smart so he uses “foob”. He’s always saying to his brother “what the foob?”, or “foob me”. He can almost get away with it too because foob isn’t a swear. However, if he ever said “foob you Dad”, hell would descend upon him because bad language is really about intent. Having said that, “f*** you dad” would get him in much more trouble than “foob you Dad”. Which just shows how confusing this topic is. Whatever your wishes, your kids will start swearing. Probably younger than you did. As chaos theory mathematician Dr Ian Malcolm might say ”swears will find a way”. Which is why Dr Byrne argues completely restricting swearing isn’t good for your children. She says, “If we don’t talk about swearing with our kids and they learn swearing from their classmates on the playground, they’re not going to have a sense of how swearing affects people’s feelings.” Personally, I think they’ll work things out pretty quickly. Same as the rest of their social interactions. We don’t need to hold their hands
Hot hamburgers
A reader writes: “Today while working at the drive through the man at the window wanted to pay for the person behind him and he said, ‘tell her I think she’s hot’ . . . so he leaves and she pulls up, rolls down her window and I tell her her food has been paid for and she rolls her eyes, smiles and says ‘that’s my husband’.”
Flubbed small talk 1.
When 19 years old, Tim went to the local newsagents to buy a lotto ticket, and found himself at the front of the line and face to face with an attractive young woman serving him. He became a little flustered and requested “a $10 lucky dick”. Cheeks already flushed, he quickly corrected himself “I mean lucky dip” which only served to further his humiliation.
I once combined “Stop mucking about” and “Stop fooling around”. Group of students suitably shocked!
Coming from the UK, as I child I loved “Angel Delight”, an instant mousse-type pudding. I recently meant to ask a colleague if you get “Angel Delight” in this country, but for some insane reason didn’t pronounce the “g” in Angel.
2. 3. Gourmet Vegemite
Colin Graham of Highland Park writes: “On a river cruise through Europe last month on an Australian-owned vessel, we searched the lavish breakfast buffet for Vegemite. That familiar yellow container was nowhere to be seen so we made inquiries from the staff who with obvious pride and much reverence presented us with the following display.”
Marmite off Mongolia trip
“On a recent trip to Mongolia our jar of Marmite was confiscated at Auckland Airport as it should have been in checked luggage,” writes Heather Wheeler. “Two weeks into the trip I heard a young Australian man telling his friends he was going back to his gear to collect the Vegemite. On his return he generously gave me a huge spoonful which was put in a plastic bag and rationed out for the remainder of our trip. It was ambrosia”.
Puzzle of letter Z solved — maybe
The letter Z is conspicuous because in our peripheral vision the large spaces in the letter alternate with the lines of the letter as we read, explains Christo. “There is alternate cancellation and reinforcement creating a visual vibration. Look up the Moire Pattern online. This is the most ‘attention-grabbing’ letter as it has the biggest spaces.”
through every little thing.
As a parent, I’m not sure why we need to focus on swear words anyway? I’d argue that pointed comments cut deeper. The psychological stuff.
Take The Silence of the Lambs. Multiple Miggs, who is incarcerated next to Hannibal Lecter, made a disgusting comment to Clarice. A comment involving Green party co-leader Marama Davidson’s favourite word. The one she wants to spend her time reclaiming. Now there’s a lady who hasn’t signed up to the not swearing around kids thing.
Anyway, Clarice handled the C because she was tough. But Hannibal thought what Miggs said (and threw) was disrespectful. So he whispered to him all night long. Made him question his actions and very existence. Heightened his guilt and grief.
Eventually, Miggs cut his own tongue off and swallowed it. Choked himself to death.
The point is, Miggs used swear words to little effect. Whereas Lecter’s pointed barbs were deadly. There’s a truth to this even if it is just a movie. A great movie.
Maybe we should explain to our kids how to use swear words properly as Dr Byrne suggests. Tell them what they mean from a young age. It might save them embarrassment. But if we make swearing all cool and normal, surely the value these words bring in terms of strength, pain, stress relief, humour and shock in adulthood will disappear. Surely the normalising of swears is the end of them. So I’m going to do what my dad did, wait until my boys are 17 then blast them with a really good loud swear.
Until then I’m happy to leave swearducation to their playgrounds, mates and workplaces. It worked out great for me.