‘Don’t leave them alone’

Pair shaken by son’s suicide say a simple chat may save a life, writes Isaac Davison

Nearly three years ago, John Herlihy was preparing to attempt a world shearing record. The Taranaki farmer had enlisted his six sons for the task of shearing 3000 sheep in eight hours at an event in Gisborne.

But 10 days before the event, his youngest son Michael took his own life.

“We will never know why,” Herlihy said.

“There’s always those questions of ‘Why didn’t he talk to us? Or ‘Why didn’t he do anything?”’

The family had never discussed depression or suicide. They had never even thought about it, he said, let alone sought help from an organisation like Lifeline.

In the years since Michael’s death, Herlihy feels that things have got worse, not better.

National suicide statistics have risen to more than 600 a year. A day before speaking to the Herald, Herlihy’s friend’s son, 18, also died in a suspected suicide.

The problem is particularly bad in rural areas, where suicide rates are relatively high and mental healthcare is often stretched or non-existent.

“We’re just one family out of 600,” Herlihy said.

“You think, bloody hell, someone else is going through what we had to go through. You think it’s never going to happen to you, but it did happen to us.”

Bereft and looking for a way to respond, he and wife Pat have thrown their energy into fundraising for suicide awareness and prevention organisations.

The family has held 24-hour “shearathons” at their home in Whangamomona, eastern Taranaki. Their efforts have raised $70,000 for Lifeline and local charities.

The alarming suicide statistics make Herlihy even more determined to get people talking about the issue.

“I can’t tell you exactly how we’re going to save a person’s life but it’s getting pretty tragic when there’s 600 people a year [dying].

“We’re [trying] to make people talk about it. If you’re worried about somebody, don’t leave them alone.

“Go and play golf, or go fishing, or go hunting or a coffee or a beer or something. Because in our case we didn’t have a clue at all.”

Lifeline has a commercial contract to promote The 72 Club campaign with the Herald’s parent company NZME.

John and Pat Herlihy urge people to talk to anyone they have concerns about — “go for a coffee” — because they had no idea their youngest son was in such a dark place.