All Blacks saving tournament’s blushes as ‘Sumo’, ‘Beaver’ get eager

Rugby is a game made in heaven . . . oops, New Zealand.

Even on a bad day — and the All Blacks weren’t always good against Canada — they play at a level beyond the dreams of everyone else.

This doesn’t mean to say the All Blacks will win the World Cup . . . the gap between them and the musclebound chasers is not that great.

On the paper/rock/scissors theory, England or South Africa could bring them down using their human battering rams to deny the All Blacks enough momentum.

But at the risk of sounding too parochial, the RWC tournament would be lost without the All Blacks.

They are saving the game’s blushes, thanks to their breathtaking skill and the big target on their back.

The rest of world rugby is often embarrassingly bad in comparison. With all due respect to the progress made by recent world No 1s Wales and Ireland, the Six Nations plodders play with the artistry of a jackhammer.

South Africa are trying to progress, but they do so without authority in the skills department. England will always be England, although this team probably has a few nice touches if they are brave enough to unveil them on the big stage.

But as an international event, the Rugby World Cup is a joke. The gap between the haves and the have nots is cringe-inducing.

It’s so bad that some deluded souls tried to use Uruguay’s upset win over Fiji as a heartwarming tale of rugby progress.

What a lot of BS. It’s like saying a scrap between corner dairies has something to do with Countdown’s profits.

Japan beating Ireland is basically it. Fairy tale’s over. Go look at all the other scores between the heavyweights and the lightweights.

But forget rugby’s problems for a moment, because if the All Blacks click into gear it is something to behold. When Beauden Barrett spots a gap, or even when Scott Barrett spots a gap, the heart races. And boy, does this tournament need that.

Most of the World Cup is a bore. It was hard to a stifle a yawn at the prospect of the All Blacks taking on Canada, a game which had 60-point margin written all over it.

Had a couple of Barretts not suffered the dropsies, it would have been closer to 80, at a canter.

It’s such a joke that All Black flanker Ardie Savea can turn up in the middle of the tournament with experimental goggles, held on by what looks like a rubber band, while the world “ooohs” and “aaahs”.

How unprofessional. He should have tried the goggles in Not Very Super Rugby.

Savea had a rubbish game when he came on against Canada, no doubt distracted by his new toy.

Moving on . . .

The All Blacks dropped the ball all over the place, and still tore Canada apart with exhibition rugby.

I want to dislike the All Blacks as a symbol of my frustration with the Rugby Kremlin’s suffocating hold on a sport which should deliver so much more in this country. Instead, you can only view the All Blacks’ jawdropping skills and immaculate preparation with awe.

Eager and Beaver

Lead commentator Scotty “Sumo” Stevenson and analyst Stephen “Beaver” Donald are humming behind the microphones in Spark Sport’s World Cup coverage.

Stevenson is a born stand-up comic but, wisely, he’s dropped most of his wisecracks although the odd one — good and bad — gets through.

He’s got a good line at the ready

— when a move involving the three Barrett brothers came to nought against Canada, he reckoned the All Blacks had run out of Barretts.

World Cup winner Donald mumbles a bit, and some of his tactical explanations could be a little clearer. But he sounds up to date and his dry, modest style is a nice counterpunch to Stevenson, who is always a heartbeat away from reigniting his nightclub act.

The big gap in the overall coverage, and this no doubt is down to World Rugby, is the lack of clear detail being relayed from the sideline and team benches.

For instance, there was no proper explanation given for Nepo Laulala replacing Angus Ta’avao at an unusually early stage against Canada.

Dear World Rugby — we need to know these things. It’s a big gap.

Age concern

Rieko Ioane still looks lost. Makeshift wing Jordie Barrett outshone Ioane in the big win over Canada. Ioane is doing a Julian Savea way too early in his career. Ioane needs to cling on for the rest of the RWC and then find a way to re-boot his career with the Blues over summer. But he’s looking old before his time.

First family

The Barretts are about to become the first family of New Zealand rugby. We’ve had a few famous ones over the years — Meads, Nicholls, Clarkes, Brownlies, Whettons, Whitelocks, Saveas, Goings, Brookes. Led by Beauden and Scott’s stunning rise, the Taranaki trio may usurp them all.