How to talk to British people about Brexit

Whether you favour Leave or Remain, Max Wooldridge makes a plea for seeing the lighter side of the crisis

Don’t take sides; take the mickey instead. Serious subjects often cry out to be ridiculed, so, for heaven’s sake, try to make us laugh. Humour still goes a long way in the UK, especially in the midst of a crisis. And after all, it’s hard to argue with someone who’s making you laugh.

Last weekend, some friends, equally as bored with Brexit as me, started to compile a list of imaginary Brexit-themed rock bands. We decided they should perform at a music festival called BrexStock, to be held at a large farm near Brussels. Headline act Farage Against The Machine would be joined on the bill by The Rees-Mogg Collective and some miserable shoegazers called Hard Border.

It was a bit of welcome, albeit temporary, light relief. Almost immediately the ultra-seriousness of the Brexit debacle eclipsed everything again.

Brexit is the only real story in the UK at present. The BBC covers it so extensively it might as well rename itself the Brexit Broadcasting Corporation. And many Brits are very angry: they air their grievances at demonstrations, and on TV programmes, radio phone-in shows and especially social media.

Like Cavaliers and Roundheads, Brexiteers (those who want the UK to leave the EU) are pitched against Remainers (those who don’t). They’re not fighting on the streets, and it’s not the second English

Civil War. Well, not yet anyway.

But it’s hard to get any reasoned debate when dealing with such entrenched views.

Usually, any discussion about Brexit quickly descends into a barrage of insults and name-calling. This is where you come in, but more of that later.

Many Remainers portray Brexiteers as racist. Meanwhile, Leavers are outraged that the 2016 referendum result has not been honoured. They call Remainers undemocratic, “Remoaners” and a whole lot worse than that. Contrary to some views, Britain is not disappearing under clouds of doomsday dust. Our faces are not pointed skyward. Brexit is not Armageddon and Judgment Day is not heading our way.

But Britain is certainly a house divided. Despite this unholy mess, life goes on as usual: whistling postmen still wear shorts all year round, the football highlights programme Match of the Day has the same old theme tune, and Brits still say sorry if you step on their toes. Don’t worry if you’re unsure of what Brexit is about and what will happen next. You’re in good company. No one in Britain has the slightest clue what’s going on either. If anything, non-Brits visiting Britain actually have an advantage. Like diplomatic immunity, your outsider status will protect you. You can ask even the dumbest Brexit questions and no one will care. So fire away. When talking to Brits about Brexit, ask loads of open questions — to both Remainers and Brexiteers: “What are your feelings on Brexit?” or “How will Brexit affect you?” Channel that internal reporter and keep any opinions to yourself. You may well end up with a more balanced picture of what’s going on than most Brits.

Tread carefully, though. Brexit is a powder keg, and danger lurks when opposing camps hold such passionate viewpoints. Make it clear you’re only asking questions, not taking sides.

If you happen to touch a raw nerve, remember your get-out-of-jail-free card: you’re a tourist, just visiting. If you manage to rattle someone’s cage, just plead ignorance or, even better, adopt an American accent and say you’re from Kentucky.

And just keep smiling and nodding throughout, like that annoying toy dog on your neighbour’s car dashboard.

Meanwhile, let us Brits rant to our heart’s content. We have bored our friends and family to death with our views, so will relish a new set of ears.

Don’t take sides; take the mickey instead. Serious subjects often cry out to be ridiculed, so, for heaven’s sake, try to make us laugh. Humour still goes a long way in the UK, especially in the midst of a crisis. And after all, it’s hard to argue with someone who’s making you laugh.

A fresh take on such a heavy subject will be a welcome diversion for most Brits. Be as off-the-wall or downright silly as you like: “How will Brexit affect your sex life?” or “What’s going to happen to Big Ben after Brexit?”

I’m sure I speak for many when I say I’d welcome this light-hearted approach. We don’t need a referendum on that.