Downcast abuse victim cowered in corner like animal

I’d rather he smashed me than smashed an innocent life.

Claire

Claire had suffered at the hands of a violent partner for 15 years before she found the courage to leave for good.

There were several things that kept her from permanently fleeing the relationship — the fact she owned the home they lived in, the desire to try and protect children and a grandchild who came to visit and the fear of what he’d do to their pets if she did.

The grandmother had plenty of friends and family but wouldn’t have been able to take her dogs and leaving without them wasn’t an option she was willing to consider.

“It was mainly my animals that kept me there and the fact it was my own house,” she said.

“He tried to control me by being mean to the animals and that happened all the time — one time he threatened to kill the animals.”

Claire, who doesn’t want to be identified, suffered in silence for many years.

“I didn’t want anyone to know how weak and stupid I was. I had nowhere to go, where I could take my dogs and cat with me.”

While there was physical violence — being held by her throat in the hallway, knocked to the floor and held down with his hands around her throat, beaten in a car — she said most of the abuse was emotional and involved constant putdowns, name-calling, criticisms and threatening behaviour.

“His actions towards the dogs was always about control over me.”

The constant abuse left her “browbeaten and cowering in the corner like an animal”.

“I was fearful and never knew what kind of mood he’d be in. My only strength was ‘you might do that to me but you won’t do it to the animals’.”

Like many victims of family violence, Claire said the festive season was horrible — her partner, a large man, was also worse when he had been drinking.

She spent most Christmas days sneaking away to the toilet and crying as family celebrated in the living room, unaware of the threats and constant putdowns he was quietly whispering in her ear when no one was looking.

She recalls one Christmas when they visited his family in another city.

He refused to let the dogs inside, even though the family didn’t mind, and instead tied them up outside.

When they wouldn’t stop barking, he went out and beat them.

“When he belted them with the leads, I thought I was going to be sick . . . they were very, very traumatised,” she recalls.

“I knew at that point if I had somewhere for my dogs to go then I would have jumped on a plane and come home and had the strength to say ‘you’re not coming back’.”

It’s for that reason she is so supportive of Pet Refuge and the Christmas appeal being launched today.

“I’m just so, so passionately supportive of them because I know it will make a massive difference to people if they are in a (abusive) relationship and have pets.”

Claire, who ended up being able to take the dogs with her when she left, said she was often asked by people why she had put the animals’ safety over hers.

“I guess they were like my children. They were a loved part of the family.

“I’d rather he smashed me than smashed an innocent life, whether it was an animal or child.”