Test a coma-inducing travesty
Four thoughts on the worst rugby test of this season
1
Put this Pumas-Wallabies test on a video loop and the world will never need sleeping pills again Eighty-two minutes of fumbling, poor decisions, ill discipline and a never ending dialogue between Michael Hooper and referee Paul Williams, and the best the 15-15 Wallabies-Pumas shambles could offer wasn’t even one lousy try, just 10 tedious penalty goals.
This wasn’t, as Steve Hansen once noted of a draw, “like kissing your sister”. This was like kissing your sister after you’d both just eaten sardine and raw onion sandwiches.
I started loving rugby as a kid, and I still do, because at its best, it’s dynamic, skilful and exciting.
But I’m not that besotted that I can’t recognise garbage when confronted by the great steaming pile of landfill that was the coma-inducing travesty we saw stumble to a standstill in Newcastle.
2
This wasn’t the Pumas who beat the All Blacks, but they didn’t need to be
Teams bereft of ideas kick up and unders, and chase hopefully. The All Blacks were guilty of that nine days ago, but last weekend, both sides in Newcastle were reduced to the punting last resort of the clueless.
The Pumas looked, especially in the first half, like men whose minds were still rerunning the glory of their last performance. Luckily for them, this is not a very good Wallabies side.
Many of the Australian team are so young, Dave Rennie may yet turn them into a force. However, right now they have enthusiasm but little finesse.
3
The All Blacks will still need to be at their best against the Pumas on Saturday
It is, the highly astute Conrad Smith noted last year in Japan, very difficult for even the best teams to have backto-back golden games. At the 2015 World Cup, he pointed out, a stunning 62-13 quarter-final victory for the All Blacks over France in Cardiff was followed by a scratchy 20-18 semifinal win against South Africa.
On that basis, put the mediocrity of Argentina’s draw with Australia down to the aftermath of glory, but be aware that they have the potential to again summon the brilliance that led to their historic defeat of the All Blacks. After all, the only thing more exciting for the Pumas than their first win over the All Blacks would surely be their second.
4
A list of what the All Blacks will need to win next Saturday should just say: Discipline Against Australia, the one area the Pumas shone in was provocation.
As they did with the All Blacks, they niggled, threatened, pushed, gesticulated and generally acted the way John McEnroe did when he was the superbrat of tennis, and knowingly used tantrums to spook umpires and opponents.
So the All Blacks need to be disciplined, and let the last swing of the handbag under the ref’s nose in a scuffle be by a Puma. They need to apply the same discipline to their tactical kicking, putting the ball only where there’s a chance they might recover it, and to their passing, with no more wild flings that bounce behind teammates.