Kids want your presence — more than presents

Some families will struggle to feel the cheer and goodwill of Xmas

Lockdown . . . was a much-needed break from the pressure to be out and to be spending.

It’s been a tough year. We’re still reeling from the fallout from a global pandemic, many families have lost jobs or are facing massive uncertainty. But despite a growing emergency housing waitlist — now up to 22,000 — unemployment rising and more Kiwis in desperate need, we’re still bombarded with multiple images of glittering Christmas trees piled high with a bounty of presents.

Even for families with greater financial security, Christmas can be a stressful time. It can be hard to resist the commercialism of Christmas and many push to spend money they don’t have.

Faced with these challenges, it’s no wonder some families will struggle to feel the cheer and goodwill that should be associated with Christmas. Family violence episodes increase over the holiday period, and sadly it’s our tamariki who become witnesses, or worse still, victims, of this violence.

But it’s worth remembering, despite what the TVCs or glossy mags tell you, our tamariki and rangatahi place far greater value on the time we spend with them, than expensive gifts.

Research shows that children list their families, friends, pets and experiences as being most important to making them happy. Children are more likely to remember the games we played with them than brightly coloured plastic toys.

Our recent lockdown experiences taught us just how much our children value wha¯nau time. The recent Office of the Children’s Commissioner survey of more than 1400 children and young people found 46 per cent said their relationships had improved during the lockdown period.

As one 12-year-old put it: “I loved spending time with my family because I feel I could relate to them more than I could before.” Another said: “They [family relationships] are better. We spend way more time doing fun stuff because they didn’t have to drive to work.”

At the same time, household debt dramatically dropped as purchases were limited to what was needed. Perhaps another way of looking at lockdown is that it was a much-needed break from the pressure to be out and to be spending.

When I think back to my own childhood Christmas celebrations, I have greater memories of the family members that joined us, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents, and sharing the delicious food cooked by my mother, than the actual gifts I received.

I vividly recall the frenzy of ripping open the paper but can’t really visualise what was under the paper. It feels like poor thanks to my parents who often spent more than they could afford to give the five of us a “decent” Christmas.

I also have clearer memories of the strain my parents were under financially and have gone on to have similar experiences myself as an adult.

These memories and experiences reinforce the wisdom of having fun as a family far outweighing the gifts. Spending time over money makes sense. It’s good for the whole family and it brings Christmas back to what matters most: building loving relationships with the people who matter most to us.