What will happen on 15th?

We would be foolish to discount Trump’s doing something crazy. Or Brian Tamaki. Or Jami-Lee Ross.

Beware, it’s fast approaching! It’s the date we are supposed to tremble at because William Shakespeare set us up to tremble at it. “Beware the Ides of March!” a soothsayer warned Julius Caesar on his way to the Capitol. Soon after, Big Julie was stabbed by multiple conspirators and went to meet his maker. But not before managing to deliver his famous line, “Et tu, Brute?”

In fact the Ides of March as a date has non-gloomy origins (related to lunar phases) but Shakespeare’s play has branded the date, March 15, with unpleasant or gloomy connotations. It is seen as a portent. It sounds ominous.

So what could happen on March 15th 2021? Well, given current circumstances, quite a lot.

We’ve got Covid 19, America’s Cup, earthquakes, Perseverance on Mars, and fungal toenail infections to consider. And we would be foolish to discount Trump’s doing something crazy. Or Brian Tamaki. Or Jami-Lee Ross.

Let’s work backwards through some of these names and possibilities. Former National MP Jami-Lee Ross is part of a company planning to sell Praesidium, a diet supplement that claims it can protect people from electromagnetic radiation. Maybe there’s a big announcement coming on the special date.

Doubting Thomases need to know that the Italian microbiologist who developed the supplement has also produced yoghurts to treat Aids and autism as well as an age-reversing pill. So that’s all terribly encouraging, isn’t it?

The Tamakis made the news for flouting level 3 rules so could come up with another surprise on March 15. Hannah Tamaki referred to their trip out of Auckland as “an escape” but her husband described it as “not an escape”. The inescapable fact is that this was clearly the escape you have when you’re not having an escape.

Trump could pick the 15th as the date to send out a tweet from the golf course outlining his plans for a big comeback. Or a new hairstyle.

The Ides of March might well be the date when a pharmaceutical giant releases yet another toenail fungus treatment that doesn’t work.

Perseverance could save a big announcement until the Ides. Maybe they’ve found a Martian up there and will beam us an interview (with subtitles). Or maybe it will all be gloom – the soil there does not look good for the pinot noir grape.

Of course the tectonic plates might have something up their sleeve too but one hopes not. The recent reminders were quite enough, thank you very much.

And let’s hope the America’s Cup doesn’t throw up any more nasties on the Ides of March. Smooth sailing and good racing, please.

We should all know by now just how fragile the situation is with this pandemic. We are skating on thin ice and would be somewhat ruffled by a new lockdown call on March 15th. Let’s not even think about it.

Perhaps we could do as the Romans did and use the Ides of March as a deadline for settling debts. That would tidy up a few ledgers. It may not quite fit in with the end of our financial year but, hey, what’s a few weeks?

Or we could remove the gloom from the date and do something positive with it. The Ides of March could be the launch of a TV campaign designed to stop people signalling right when they are going straight through an intersection.

So, whether we should fear the Ides of March is yet to be seen. If something momentous happens on March 15, I’ll trumpet, “Told you so!”. If it doesn’t, I’ll deny having written this column and claim that it was by an imposter – possibly Brian Tamaki. Or a Martian.