A right royal snub

Why Wills is probably quite happy to give the Maori King a miss.

BREAK out the Buzzy Bees – Kate, George and William are on their way. Yes folks, for the first time in 31 years we have an heir to our throne, his wife and baby visiting New Zealand. It seems like only yesterday that we went nuts over William, his mum and dad posing on the lawn of Government House.

Of course a lot of water has flowed under the bridge since then and the fairytale romance that captivated us and the world turned into a rather tawdry domestic and ultimately a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions.

But the world has turned full circle in the past three decades and the Royal Family, largely thanks to Kate and Wills, seems to be as popular and as permanent a part of our national psyche as it was back in the eighties.

While that may not sit comfortably with all of us, myself included, it is clear that the itinerary that has been prepared over the nine-day visit is designed to enhance and perpetuate our collective fascination with our foreign monarchs well into the future.

While two days are set aside for ‘‘rest’’, the royal couple will be jetboating and wine-tasting in Queenstown, sailing in Auckland, unveiling a portrait of the Queen in Wellington and watching kids play rippa rugby in Dunedin.

Christchurch can look forward to royal recognition of its troubles, Blenheim gets a visit to commemorate World War I and Porirua will host the royals at the Police College on the final day of

I suspect years of protest, mudslinging and T-shirt chucking by so-called activists probably hasn’t gone unnoticed by the Royal Family.

the tour. All those events guarantee great photo ops and we can look forward to nightly news clips of official events and excited commoners gushing about how lovely and normal Kate and William are in person.

But some feel they are missing out.

First up the Maori King, who has turned down the royals because they could commit to only 90 minutes for a visit to Turangawaewae Marae at Ngaruawahia, and that is nowhere near long enough to comply with all the Maori protocols the king says are necessary.

I suspect that privately the officials at Kensington Palace and the special office for the royal visit, which has been set up by our own Department of Internal Affairs, will regard the Maori King’s snub as the dodging of a rather slow moving and mindnumbing bullet.

But another Maori group is outraged that the future king and his wife aren’t dropping in to say ‘‘hi’’.

Kingi Tauroa, an elder of Ngapuhi, says he’ll knock down an 1880s obelisk commemorating the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi if Kate and Wills don’t make time to visit.

Quite rightly the prime minister has effectively told Kingi to jump in the lake and while it might come as news to Ngapuhi, I suspect years of protest, mudslinging and T-shirt chucking by so-called activists probably hasn’t gone unnoticed by the Royal Family.

In that context to expect the parents of a young child to turn up at a venue famous for acts of violence and protest when they could be sipping chardonnay or helming an America’s Cup yacht across the Waitemata is naive in the extreme.

Having signalled so early that he’ll take a sledgehammer to the obelisk as a result Chief Kingi has probably guaranteed he’ll be prevented from doing so by the appropriate authorities – his forbears knew flagpoles and axes were much easier.

In any case the royal visitors will get a formal Maori welcome, but it will take place down in Dunedin where one presumes the natives are less restless.

So with the chances of conflict and protest minimised we can all look forward to the royal visit.

I haven’t had any Garden Party invites turn up in my letterbox and suspect I shouldn’t hold my breath. Nor am I likely to seek out an encounter with the royal roadshow despite the fact that I, as a taxpayer, am helping to fund it.

In case you are wondering what nine days of photo ops and meet and greets costs, well no-one knows yet.

Unbelievably in this age of bottom lines and fiscal responsibility the office of the royal visit says there is no budget for the trip and it might tell us what it cost later.

Thirty-one years on the players may have changed but it seems the protocols haven’t.

Still I can’t help but wonder where that Buzzy Bee is now – gathering dust perhaps in a toy box in a royal nursery half a world away.