A blind mind’s eye
For most people, picturing faces of loved ones comes naturally. But for those with aphantasia, it’s impossible to conjure up a mental image. Rachel Thomas talks with Fairfax reporter Ben Strang about life without a mind’s eye.
What happens if you try to picture something?
Right now with my eyes open, trying to visualise something it’s just blank. If I close my eyes, it’s just blackness. I know what it’s like to imagine something because I still have dreams and they’re visual dreams. When it comes to doing it while I’m awake, that part of my brain just doesn’t activate.
What about your girlfriend or your family?
I can’t see them at all. I’ve lived with my family for 26 years and I don’t know what they look like off the top of my head. Needless to say that upsets the family and the girlfriend quite a bit. If I see [my girlfriend] I know it’s her but I can’t picture her in my head, and she can do that with me, so I guess that’s quite an upsetting thing.
When did you find out you had aphantasia?
I found out in early 2015. I didn’t realise I was any different to anybody else for 25 years. For most people who are like me, it’s just normal. For basically my entire life whenever somebody mentioned close your eyes and visualise the beach or whatever, I thought it was just a figure of speech. I ended up telling some people at work and one of them sent me a link to a study out of a guy from England about a thing called aphantasia.
You’re a sports reporter. How do you get around aphantasia at work?
If I’m going to a game, that entails a lot of describing aspects. To do that is quite easy because it’s live so I write down things I’m seeing. I don’t need that memory to describe how a game has gone or what a player looks like. It’s all dealing with actual facts. The hardest thing is sometimes you write a feature and you describe how things look, and that is difficult. I have to look up old photos or read reports of what things looked like.
How has aphantasia affected your life?
For my life I’ve experienced things a different way. I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything. I thought I was normal. To find out other people can close their eyes and visualise a beach, I find that pretty amazing.
I always watched movies when I was growing up, I never had any interest in reading. A book for me is a bunch of thousands of words. The words don’t turn into pictures for me.
My recognition of sounds seems to be better than most people. I have really good eyesight and good vision. I think the main thing is you’re not as reliant on visual cues. It proves the way people learn isn’t just by seeing. I know what a tree looks like without being able to see a tree in my mind.
What techniques do you use to help you remember images?
I often narrate to myself if something’s important. I have to describe that stuff so I can remember some things. I’ve got photos on my phone of people and places I’ve been. I’m aware of the fact that if I just look at something and don’t talk to myself about it, I’m not going to remember it.
I remember how things feel and how things smell and how things sound more than what things look like. I can think of my girlfriend’s voice, my mum’s voice. I can think of what things taste like.
If there were a cure, would you want it?
I’ve never missed it. If I required brain surgery, no. If someone said you could do some exercise, I’d probably give it a go. It sounds amazing ... People say it’s so vivid that you can visualise people’s faces so that would be awesome.