Hello Chiefs, I think we need to have a talk

OPINION: Hello Chiefs, I’ve loved you since Super Rugby started in 1996. For better, for worse, through thick and thin, all thanks to being born in Ngaruawahia, then being mocked for my rural roots when I moved to Wellington.

And so, I vowed I would never leave you. I waited 16 years for my love to be requited, with the 2012 title. You were beautiful that day, together we were Richie and Gemma.

Though it’s been long distance love, I’ve stayed loyal, never wearing another team’s colours, not even when the Hurricanes started flirting for my attention.

But as the 2017 season looms large I’m having doubts about where our relationship is going, and I’ll wager other Chiefs fans are too.

Just when we were considering letting you out of the dog box after your 2016 off-field failings, witnesses say you’ve gone and abused female Hamilton parking wardens going about their job.

That was another dagger to a loyal heart, that was more friends saying to me what have ‘‘your Chiefs’’ done now?

I’ve researched the most common relationship ruckers, to see whether we have a future. Sadly, it doesn’t look good for us in the long-term.

Remember Scarlette, the stripper you saw behind my back at your season-ending function last year? Yes you do, it landed you in the news for weeks, so don’t try to deny it.

Betrayal of trust will test even the strongest bond, counsellors say. So Scarlette is strike one. Homophobic slurs at the same function, strike two. Parking warden abuse makes for strike three. Hopes the Chiefs had learned to front-foot PR issues were dashed when coach Dave Rennie opted to explain the warden incident by video, so no conversation could be had. That’s no way to rebuild trust.

If you don’t care about me, you might care about the fact rugby league players in Sydney can’t get individual sponsorships after years of boozy dog-bothering scandal meant those with money don’t want a bar of them.

And you might have heard one of the major All Black sponsors say at the rugby awards they ‘‘despaired’’ at the regrettable offfield controversies of 2016.

If you didn’t, ASB Bank chief executive Barbara Chapman said ‘‘as a sponsor our team at ASB aligns with what is best about rugby, and we feel bad when that standard is not met.’’

So you might not care about my hurt feelings, but it’s best you care about hers.

And be warned even loyal fans can only put up with so much. In the NFL the San Diego Chargers are noted for having the most rabid supporters. Now they are lining up to have their Chargers lightning bolt tattoos removed.

Why? Because the franchise this week said it was moving up the road to Los Angeles, and renamed itself the LA Chargers. It thought its loyal fans would follow. It thought wrong. Why would we drive to a city we despise to see a team that abandoned us? the fans scowled.

Some Chiefs fans might be prepared to forgive anything, provided the team wins on the field. To them, results are the only measure of true love in a rugby romance.

I’m not that kind of fan, I need a little more; for the Chiefs to be the best they can be on the field, and off it. I’d prefer not to be tarnished by association. From what I’ve seen on TV I’m not alone. Plenty of people in the Waikato feel the same way.

And don’t talk to me about loyalty. I’ve been loyal for 20 years, and have paid for the privilege in tickets, replica tops and Sky TV charges. While the love of a fan is pure, can that be said of coaches, players and chief executives?

Rennie and Aaron Cruden patted their hands proudly on the Chiefs logo right up until they signed big-money contracts to quit the Tron. As Tina Turner once asked ‘‘what’s love got to do with it?’’ Next year they will proudly pat a different logo. It’s simply good business, maximising a career.

But back to our relationship there are two sides to every story. I might have unrealistic expectations of you. You might consider the off field incidents little more than laddish mischief. It could be we’re simply not compatible, and you’d be better off with someone who is OK with disrespecting strippers, gay people, and parking wardens.

And to be fair, when times were tough for you last year around all the off-field scandals, I was not there for you. I was critical of you. Who could blame you for having abandonment issues?

So should we try again? We’ve had so much fun together over the years. It’s over to you whether you want to try to keep the ball alive or kick for touch.

Gotta go now, there’s someone at the door - could it be the Hurricanes bearing flowers and craft beer?