A friendship forged by grief
It is a treasured friendship, but not one that any party involved ever hopes to replicate.
This week, Bruce and Jeanette McEachen met Deb Conley and Lauren Stewart for the first time.
The timing was not incidental. The McEachens’ son Matthew and Rachel Conley – Conley and Stewart’s stepdaughter and stepsister respectively – met moments before they were both killed in the February 22, 2011, earthquake.
Rachel, an American tourist, had walked into Southern Ink tattoo parlour on Colombo St with a friend and discussed a design with Matthew. She was leaving to withdraw cash when the earthquake struck.
Deb Conley and Jeanette McEachen met through Facebook soon after, and the families bonded over their shared grief, corresponding many times a year. This is the first time Conley and Stewart have visited Christchurch. They are staying with the McEachens.
‘‘It’s nice to have a connection in Christchurch,’’ Stewart said. ‘‘Being so far away and not being in the city and experiencing it as everybody here has, it’s kind of helped us keep a little more connected.
‘‘We had talked about coming out for the five-year [anniversary], but then we knew that the memorial wouldn’t be completed, so we decided to wait for year six.‘‘
The families visited the memorial at a private ceremony on Tuesday night, and again after yesterday’s unveiling. ‘‘I thought it was lovely,’’ Stewart said.
‘‘The fact that you can go up and touch your loved one’s name and you’ve got a place to sit and reflect. There’s so much life going on around the wall itself. It’s just peaceful.‘‘
Conley and Stewart end their week-long inaugural visit tomorrow. They plan to return. They have friends here now.
‘‘It’s always interesting to meet another family,’’ Bruce McEachen said.
‘‘Particularly one from overseas because they don’t have the same shared experience that we’ve got. We’ve got other families to talk to.
‘‘It’s very strange conditions to form a friendship under. That is the sole defining thing that’s made us friends. You’d never want to make friends the same way again.’’