It’s time gentlemen please
It’s time to play the music, it’s time to light the lights, it’s time to paint on makeup, it’s time to dress up right, it’s not the Muppet Show tonight. It’s business time. No more talk. We are two anthems, one haka and a whistle blast away from the end of the ifs, buts and maybes.
At 7.35pm tonight all the predictions will mean nothing, and 80 minutes of Lions versus All Blacks cut-and-thrust will provide the answers.
Will the Lions suffocate the All Black forwards? We will know.
Will the slick counter-attack of the All Blacks be too much for the Lions? We will know.
At the moment we have no idea; the unknown is part of the beauty of sport. Anything could happen, and it probably will.
It has been just over three weeks since British and Irish Lions arrived on what former All Blacks coach Graham Henry dubbed a suicide mission.
They came vowing to win hearts and minds, with massive lock Maro Itoje lugging BIL the stuffed toy lion mascot through immigration.
Since, the Lions have been battered with rabid Kiwi predictions they would soon be stuffed, just like BIL.
Not only are the Lions still alive against Henry’s predictions, but wins over the Crusaders, Maori and Chiefs have seen them win over all but the heartless and mindless.
As they weaved their way from Whangarei, to Auckland, Christchurch, Dunedin, Rotorua and Hamilton, the Lions have bonded as a unit and found time to improve. They started the tour as Irishmen, Welshman, Englishmen and Scots. Now they are all Lions, the way they tell the story.
Now it’s back to Auckland. Eden Park, where the All Blacks have not lost since 1994, where the Blues beat them in the second tour match.
To win there would be a Herculean feat, but let’s not forget Hercules performed the 12 impossible tasks set him, leading to fame and immortality.
Fame awaits this group of British and Irish Lions, and their at times surly Kiwi coach Warren Gatland, should they be the first Lions side to win a New Zealand series in 46 years, the first side to beat the All Blacks at home since South Africa and France did it in 2009.
And the All Blacks? When the Lions landed, All Blacks captain Keiran Read still had his right hand in a cast and the Crusaders were unbeaten. Now Read is ready to play, and so are the Lions, having strangled the Crusaders 12-3.
Strangling is not the All Blacks way. If we must use a violent metaphor, they’re more like James Bond, just when you think you’ve got him at last, he sneaks up and puts you swiftly to sleep. Ask Samoa, who troubled the Men in Black early a week ago, only to end up 78-0 down after 80 minutes.
Daffodil wearers, Sweet Chariot singers, and ‘‘Lions, Lions, Lions’’ chanters who saw how Steve Luatua and Sonny Bill Williams turned a Lions lead over the Blues into a loss in what Gatland called a ‘‘moment of magic’’ will find few opportunities to relax.
Take a Sonny Bill, stir in a Beauden Barrett, add 20-year-old Reiko Ioane, then a counterattacking Ben Smith, and you’ve got four All Black James Bonds who can hurt you in an instance, with Anton Lienert-Brown waiting on the bench.
For the Lions, Owen Farrell will play Bond villain Oddjob at No 10 with his running, fearless defence, and goal kicking; openside loosie Sean O’Brien will latch on to loose ball like Jaws and halfback Conor Murray will star as Goldfinger, raining bombs down on the back three.
Enough pontification. Now let’s get things started. It’s going to be sensational, inspirational, celebrational (for one set of fans, at least).