Rock falls in poor Godzilla tale
Rampage (M, 107mins), directed by Brad Peyton ★★1⁄2
Along with Bomb Jack and Bubble Bobble, Rampage was one of the my favourite arcade games in those Wizarddays of the 1980s.
The idea of wreaking havoc as an iconic movie monster was just too tempting to resist, and many tokens were happily spent destroying downtown of whatever skyscraper-lined urban environment it was set in.
Three decades on and Chicago, just as in the recent Death Wish revival and the last trio of Transformers movies, is the ‘‘lucky’’ city to have its tourism reputation and CBD trashed by Hollywood.
Illinois’ largest metropolis hosts the protracted, climatic battle of a movie that really feels like the unholy combination of a quartet of writers whose combined CVs include The Commuter, Lost, Hercules and Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip and San Andreas director Brad Peyton.
It’s a film that lurches from 1990s creature feature and general Bayhem to noughties disaster flick, before finally mutating into a cross between The Jungle Book and Turner and Hooch.
Subtle as a brick and nuancefree, Rampage‘s plot is littered with contrivances, conveniences, and crazy leaps in logic.
Even the undoubted, charismatic power of Dwayne Johnson (Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle) appears muted as the The Rock is forced to play secondbanana to a scene-stealing Jeffrey Dean Morgan (The Walked Dead‘s Negus) – playing a shadowy government agent as a cross between Tommy Lee Jones and Nicolas Cage, and an albino gorilla named George.
The latter is Johnson’s San Diego Wildlife Sanctuary palaeontologist Davis Okoye’s pride and joy.
Able to sign, George is smart, caring, and boasts a wicked sense of humour.
But his personality and size alters overnight when his enclosure is struck by space junk.
Davis is perplexed until Dr Kate Caldwell (Skyfall‘s Naomie Harris) arrives unannounced, claiming that he has been affected by a geneediting pathogen created by her previous employers. As George continues to grow and become more aggressive, news comes in that he’s not the only beast affected.
Deep down, Rampage appears to want to be a Michael Crichtonesque (Jurassic Park, Westworld) cautionary tale about the perils of scientific meddling.
Unfortunately, all that gets a little lost amongst the endless smackdowns and cartoon villainy displayed particularly by Malin Akerman’s (TV’s Billions) darkhaired and hearted company CEO and her dimwitted brother (Their Finest‘s Jake Lacy).
In the end, all we’re left with is a pale, loud American imitation of a Godzilla movie that doesn’t even manage to get much glee out of the Rampaging itself.
The 12-year-old me left feeling slightly let down. – James Croot