Whale of a time in Whalington

It’s a pity whales are migratory. If Wellington’s recent visiting mammal could have set up residence permanently, the coolest little capital could have had a new tourist attraction with endless spinoffs. Dubbed Matariki after its presence in the harbour caused the postponement of Wellington’s inaugural Matariki fireworks display, the tohora¯ / southern right whale stopped traffic, attracted crowds each day, almost trumped Trump on New Zealand social media and inspired its own Twitter handle.

It wasn’t just locals who were impressed that a ginormous wild creature wanted to hang out in a capital city harbour – the visit has received international media attention.

But unfortunately, due to the laws of nature, it was shortlived. There have been no reported sightings of Matariki since late last week.

Indulge me for a moment and imagine how Wellington could take advantage of Matariki the whale as a visitor attraction, building on the general silliness of the British town of Cowes, and our very own Bulls.

Wellywood would be passed over for ‘‘Whalington’’, which would be marketed as the place to have a ‘‘whale of a time’’.

Visitors would follow a ‘‘whales trail’’ along the waterfront and no-one would mind at all that it was blowing a ‘‘whale of a gale’’.

If you wanted to spend some dosh you could go for a ‘‘whale sail’’, enjoy a ‘‘whale of a sale’’ in Wellington’s retail centre, or stop off at a pub for a pale whale ale.

Visitors would arrive at the ‘‘Whale Way Station’’ via ‘‘Kiwiwhale’’, post some ‘‘whale mail’’.

There would be virtual reality whale rides, whale slides in the park and an interactive whale museum.

Weta Workshop would create a replica whale where tourists would flock to get the ‘‘eighth wonder of the world’’ must-have photo.

A whale in a city has got real potential to refresh Wellington’s image. Its cultural capital crown has slipped from losing too many big shows to Dunedin and its ‘‘Coolest Capital’’ title is merely hanging on a Lonely Planet review.

Of course, Matariki’s visit might not be a oneoff. Scientists say whales have been recorded around the mainland in increasing numbers and this appearance could indicate a comeback after their population was decimated by the whaling industry.

This may mean our mammal mate may have felt the welcome so strongly that it’s planning on a return trip.

That would give us an opportunity for some whale welcoming event, starting with a musical of the Whale Rider movie and ending with a massive ‘‘Hail the whale’’ dance on the waterfront.

There were a few people who did have a go at taking advantage of Matariki’s visit. Local photographers flaunted their talents online, Bats Theatre beautifully timed its musical comedy The Loneliest Whale in the World, and environmental groups issued information on how to treat a whale.

While I’m being tongue-in-cheek, when you think about it, cities and towns all over the world have capitalised on single and multiple events to attract tourists.

Just think what the Virgin Mary’s visitations did for Lourdes and Fatima or The Sound of Music for Austria.

If we were in Las Vegas they’d have a whale hotel and roller coaster half built by now.

Yes, it’s just a real pity we couldn’t keep Matariki permanently – but I guess a ‘‘whale jail’’ might be going a bit too far.