Check these out and life will be fine
I don’t know if you read the story about the octogenarian who crashed her car into the village fete marquee, after which a list was discovered next to the driving seat. It read: Key in ignition. Foot on brake. Start engine. Gear lever into D. Foot off brake.
She got that much right, to be fair. It was after that it all went pear-shaped.
There are two possible responses to the discovery of this aide-memoire. One: ‘‘Can you believe it? Old people are a total liability!’’ Or, two: ‘‘Ah, yes, a ‘List for Life’. While a list for driving may be a list too far – we get it.’’
A Life List can make the difference between feeling calm and in control, and very much not. We’re talking about those five-point lists designed to stave off panic in everyday situations. We’re saying, before you judge the woman in the Toyota RAV4, first ask yourself: have you never compiled a checklist that others would find disturbing, or sad?
For example, how to . . .
If entrapped, wave at a stranger and rush over. If necessary, claim a case of mistaken identity.
Put them back in case. Don’t put on table. Don’t put on head. Don’t tuck in front of top. If lost, look in dishwasher/garden pots/kitchen drawer. rush for head massage. Never look in mirror. Pretend working on phone. Tip generously.
Eat a banana on the way. Smile a lot. Get a drink down fast. Don’t talk to women having nanny issues/men in the middle of divorces. If entrapped, wave at a stranger and rush over. If necessary, claim a case of mistaken identity.
Boil water, turn off heat. Add drop vinegar. Make a swirly hole. Crack in egg. Smell and look.
Check heating off (including in summer). Check TV off. Check freezer and fridge door shut. Check no washing in washing machine. Check no taps running.