How to be a modern car snob
Aprivate school in the United Kingdom recently had to apologise for an advertisement suggesting that a child whose parent drove a Volvo would be embarrassed by it, and attending the school might lead to the pinnacle of success in adult life: being able to buy Dad a Jaguar like the one the school principal drives.
The full text of the advertisement run by Vinehall School, East Sussex, for its Open Days goes like this:
‘‘The Volvo Estate – your Dad’s pride and joy – suddenly swung left into a long drive.
‘‘You saw ‘Open Day’ signs and your eyes widened. You pointed to the beautiful dark blue Jaguar parked by a sign saying ‘Headmaster’s Parking’. You said you wished your Dad had one. Your Dad looked wistful, the Volvo had to do a few years yet.
‘‘You did well at Vinehall and have fond memories. You were very successful in business. You bought your Dad a Jaguar when he retired.
‘‘You think every child should go along to the Open Days. Maybe they will buy their Dad a Jaguar one day too.’’
Hmmm. That is both hilarious and truly sick-making for many reasons.
But not because of the car snobbery; I have no problem with that. The day irrational desire and status anxiety stops influencing car buying, large sections of the motor industry are doomed.
But if you’re going to be a car snob, at least make an effort to get the brands right.
I have no doubt that the person who wrote the Vinehill Open Days advertisement has an automotive sensibility stuck somewhere in the 1990s.
In their mind, Volvo Dad probably drives a wobbly early1990s 200-series wagon and the school head a smart-looking and conservative Jaguar sedan like an XF.
Because in their mind, that’s what ‘‘Volvo’’ means and that’s what ‘‘Jaguar’’ means. It’s not a car-aware mind.
Both are incorrect by 2018 standards. If we’re going to be car snobs, let’s at least be modern car snobs.
To my mind, Volvo is probably one of the most aspirational car brands around at the moment – especially to the kinds of families whose children attend flash schools. If you know even a smidge about cars, when I say ‘‘Volvo’’ you’ll probably imagine one of its sharp-looking SUVs, bristling with high style and technology.
If Dad (or Mum, surely) drives a Volvo these days, he or she is actually super-cool.
Indeed, I’d argue what constitutes an ‘‘aspirational’’ brand of car is quite different these days. Status-conscious people now value design, technology and green credentials as much as any badge.
These image-conscious car people also like to think they’ve made a clever choice (and more importantly, they like to tell the world they’ve made a clever choice), which is why many are likely to be turned off by traditional luxury brands like Jaguar, Audi, BMW and Mercedes-Benz. Because they have the taint of being seen as oldschool and old-fashioned.
Other outwardly lessprestigious car badges have come into their own as aspirational in recent times: for example, Hyundai, Mazda and Skoda.
All are formerly bland brands that now have an inescapable aura of coolness about them.
They’re classless (a synonym for clever-choice in today’s car world) and all embody the autoindustry dictum that it takes 20 years to change a brand’s image.
All of the above have achieved high status in the car world through dramatic advancement in design and technology – and maybe some clever marketing. And it’s taken them all about 20 years. They are now all cool, desirable brands.
The only obvious luxury brand with undeniable new-gen credibility is Tesla – because it’s young, it’s green and because it’s perceived as disrupting the establishment.
So the challenge for many oldmoney premium brands is to become cool again and regain their place in the snobbery hierarchy among car people.
They are doing it: Jaguar, Audi, BMW and Mercedes-Benz have all had major revamps in design and engineering – and a greater focus on the kinds of vehicles that people actually want, like SUVs instead of their traditional sedans.
These posh brands have all also reached down more into the mainstream space with smaller vehicles to broaden their streetcred (OK, and make more money as well) and they are all reaching far ahead with hi-tech electric vehicles for the future. The kind of stuff that’s actually going to be really cool and desirable in times to come.
One day, a Jaguar might be more desirable than a Volvo again. But it might take another 20 years.
If you’re going to be a car snob, at least make an effort to get the brands right.