Safety videos now old-hat

Iswear, if I’m ever in an emergency situation on an Air New Zealand plane I am going to be clueless about what to do as I haven’t been able to watch their safety videos for years. You know, the ones that used to tell you clearly what do in an emergency: follow the floor lights, familiarise yourself with the nearest emergency exit, take your shoes off when you go down the slide. All that useful stuff.

I’d defy anyone new to flying to watch the latest Air New Zealand safety video and tell me what they are supposed to do if the worst happens.

We are now at the 18th new-style safety video since the airline launched them in 2009.

And, to quote a friend, I think this one has finally ‘‘jumped the shark’’. It’s reached that moment when what started out as a smart and unexpected concept has lost its lustre but the makers are still throwing everything at the problem to try to regain it.

Now don’t get me wrong; the It’s Kiwi Safety inflight video is kind of fun and the music is catchy. Though forcing the required safety words into a rap is painful.

My frustration, and I’m clearly not alone, comes because I seriously don’t know what these videos are for any more.

Are they safety videos? In which case they fail all known communication tests as the safety messages are totally lost in the rap jumble.

Or are they marketing videos? If so, what are they marketing?

And these babies don’t come cheap. One advertising expert suggested that it cost about $2.5 million to make the latest video. Now just to point this out: that means this video has cost New Zealanders $1.25m, as the Government owns 52 per cent of the airline’s shares and the dividends which flow from that.

If you subscribe to the ‘‘any publicity is good publicity’’ school of thought, then Air New Zealand will be rightly delighted with all the free advertising that comes from being talked about.

But what about its treasured customers? Did it ever spare a thought for the frequent business travellers, some of whom will be forced to watch that video several times a week?

I remember when the video featuring 1980s fitness guru Richard Simmons was running. I wanted to put my head between my legs and cover my ears. I was having my own kind of emergency.

Of course, the videos are not bad. The early ones did have a first-to-market appeal and took something a bit boring – if necessary – and made it fun.

I totally get that the frequently appearing All Blacks are New Zealand’s biggest brand and most recognisable celebrities worldwide. So, for an international airline making its mark on the world, using the ABs makes perfect sense. Ditto: the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings versions which have appeared.

The lowest point was the video which teamed up with the Sports Illustrated swimwear edition to mark the publication’s 50th anniversary.

In a country that was the first to give women the vote, how could our national carrier think that it was a good idea to make female travellers watch bikini babes frolicking around? It must have been to do with the money – why else would they have sunk so low?

If Air New Zealand wants to keep ahead of the game it needs to have a serious rethink about what it’s doing with these videos.

I applaud the airline for taking risks, but it’s a decade since they started down this path, and that shark is threatening to jump up and bite back.