Something smells fishy, Minister Nash
Fisheries Minister Stuart Nash, welcome. Mate! Fish finger? I beg your pardon? Fish finger! Nature’s bounty! High-value protein to get you through the day and all thanks to New Zealand’s world-leading fishing companies.
Yes, about that –
I do 20 fish fingers a day! Feel that bicep! Go on, feel it! The tone! The girth! Hope you don’t mind, I’ve brought my dumb-bells with me. Train, train, train! Do you know what they call me in the gym at Parliament? Nash the Bash!
Minister, Greenpeace spokesman Russel Norman –
Talk about dumb-bells, there’s one right there! Hah!
Be that as it may, Russel Norman has taken issue with your stance on cameras on fishing boats.
You tell that girlie-man to bring his ‘‘issues’’ down to the gym at Parliament, and me and him can duke it out mano a mano!
Minister, when Labour was in opposition your policy was to have cameras mounted on fishing boats.
Absolutely! Because there’s nothing more important than ensuring our natural resources are used sustainably. Here, spot me on this bench-press.
Er, right. But now you’re the Minister of Fisheries you’ve delayed the introduction of cameras on fishing boats.
One, two, three, heave! Absolutely! Because you have to look at the commercial reality of the situation instead of sitting up in ivory towers. Coming down. Watch your toes!
According to Russel Norman – Heave! Listen, I don’t know what planet Russel Norman thinks he’s on but you can’t just stick a GoPro on a fishing boat. Can’t you? Why not?
And . . . down. Technical issues. What sort of technical issues? Several. Ooh, and privacy. Privacy?
Look, we’re not the sort of bigbrother outfit that puts statecontrolled cameras into private workplaces willy-nilly.
But won’t the cameras be pointing at the fish?
Don’t fish deserve privacy too?
‘‘Look, we’re not the sort of big-brother outfit that puts statecontrolled cameras into private workplaces willy-nilly.’’
The fish will be dead.
And in their dying moments you think it’s OK to stick a camera in their faces? Honestly, you journalists. Pass us the sweat towel, wouldja?
Has this got anything to do with the fact that your coalition partners, Winston Peters and Shane Jones, are matey with the big fishing companies?
Are they? That’s not what I’ve been herring. Ha! See what I did there? That’s not what I’ve been ‘herring’. A little fish joke.
Very droll, minister. But just to follow up the point, do you think the fishing industry is trying to exert an undue influence on Government policy?
Not at all! I mean obviously these companies need to make a net profit. ‘Net profit’! Ha! I did it again!
Wait – are you trying to derail this interview by indulging in fish puns? You’ve got to be squidding! Really?
Of course I’m not. It’s not my plaice to do that at all. Not my plaice!
Well, my workout’s done and I don’t want to take up any more of your time. That would be shellfish. Shellfish!
Minister, I think you’re floundering.
Yes, but check out these mussels!