Why you should face your fears
This week we had the privilege of having my young nephew to stay. He is 14 years old, and to me something of an inspiration. In his quiet, thoughtful way, I suspect he will grow up to be a man that has a huge and lasting impact on those around him.
One of the things that I admire most about him is his ability to take on pretty much anything – although he usually succeeds, it doesn’t seem to be about that for him: it is the enjoyment of challenging himself that is the key.
On this occasion, he had just returned from an eight-day Outward Bound course in the beautiful Marlborough Sounds. As a teenager, you can only do this course with a parent, so this was an adventure he shared with his dad – pretty special for them both.
We had waved them off at the start of it, illicit chocolate squeezed into the side of their packs, and wondered what the week ahead would hold for them. It was super exciting for us to see them return, full of stories and memories, exhausted and smelly but very, very happy.
It sounds as though Outward Bound was everything it promises to be and more. You work as a group of 14 or so, sleeping, eating, and experiencing it all together. I suspect that is one of this course’s strengths – enabling and supporting a group to learn to work together, in spite of them not knowing one other, come from a variety of backgrounds, and inevitably will have very
different ways of dealing with challenges. Definitely a blueprint for the reality of working life as an adult.
Activities are frequent, varied and all challenging in different ways – from jumping into the very chilly Marlborough Sounds waters every morning, skippering a cutter around the bays, kayaking and running, to the ‘‘solo’’ overnight experience, they all deliver different opportunities to either work together to reach a common goal, or develop your own inner resilience and leadership skills.
During the solo night, everyone on the course is left at different sites, in the dark, with minimal supplies and a tarp with which to create some cover in case the weather turns. It sounds as though this is a time for reflection, and to truly be at one with our wonderful outdoors. My nephew wrote a letter to himself during his solo (that will be posted to him in six months’ time), and listened as a cheeky possum stole his last remaining carrot, denying him brekkie!
I can’t remember the last time my life would have created this kind of space – time to myself, without urban noise, people or technology to interrupt it all. If I am honest, the thought of it thrills and scares me.
Before he headed back home, refreshed and less smelly, I asked my nephew what his favourite part of it all was. For him, the highlight was rockclimbing up a cliff face, wearing a blindfold. He described having to completely trust the guides, and allowing all your other senses to take over when you can’t see, and the sheer sense of achievement he felt getting to the top.
Again, although I try to celebrate small successes every day, I can’t remember the last time I would have felt quite like that. His message for others was simple ‘‘The more you put in, the more you get out’’ and one that I think we could all apply to our lives in general, even if we’re not fortunate enough to be able to experience the magic of Outward Bound.
As well as musing on how incredible my young nephew is, and what an amazing opportunity things like Outward Bound can provide, his experience has started me thinking about the value of challenge. We tend to live our lives in a fairly safe way, developing comfortable routines, and relying on ‘‘instant fixes’’ if things don’t go according to plan or we meet a wee bump in the road. Embarking on new, challenging opportunities, whether it’s in our leisure time, personal or professional lives, isn’t easy – the fear of failure is always there, and I suspect the older we get, the greater the tendency to listen to that inner fear and avoid the challenge.
However, if we embrace those opportunities as they present themselves (or even create them for ourselves), we can learn that when we succeed, getting to the top of that virtual cliff-face will make us feel incredible – the exhilaration of achievement
when it hasn’t come easily is hard to beat . There will be times when ‘‘success’’ doesn’t come, we only make it half way up for example, but even then we can learn so much about ourselves along the way. Grasping the opportunity in every situation, rather than avoiding it by focusing on only what could go wrong, is something I think I should embrace more.
As I look at my life, where middle age is fast approaching, I don’t want to be someone who slides comfortably along, performing the same safe yet enjoyable routines every day.
I want to be someone who can look back and say that I tried everything, regardless of whether it worked or not, and know that it was a life full of challenges, good and bad – not all of them met, but all of them attempted with a bit of courage and spirit.
At a recent birthday, a friend of mine made a quiet promise to herself to do something that scared her a little every year for the rest of her life. I think I may follow her example, because it would seem that, according to my nephew, a little fear leads to a lot of reward.