A graceful walker between two worlds
Wellington was such a culture shock for the young Tiahuia Gray that she tried running away to get back to Nga¯ ruawa¯ hia.
She had grown up there on
Tu¯ rangawaewae Marae as a handmaiden to Princess Te Puea. She was fluent in te reo, developing a deep knowledge of tikanga Ma¯ ori, the Pai Ma¯ rire religion and rites of tangihanga (death customs) and karanga (call).
But at the age of 8 she moved to the capital and had to enrol in primary school, where she had to learn English.
Soon she was combining both cultures, later becoming a respected kuia in the Wellington community. ‘‘Whichever world she walked in, she was loved,’’ daughter Merenia said.
Tiahuia was a taurima (leader) at Te Herenga Waka Marae at Victoria University, Ma¯ ori adviser to Wellington City Council and Wellington High School te reo Ma¯ ori teacher. She was often called upon to be a kai karanga, welcoming notable guests to Wellington including the Dalai Lama, Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands, Fleetwood Mac, and Olympic champion ice dancers Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean.
Tiahuia Te Puea Herangi Ramihana Gray was born on August 5, 1944, in Waiuku to George Eric Ramsden, from Sydney, and Henrietta Manawatu, from Port Levy in Christchurch.
Ramsden was a journalist who worked at The Sun in Sydney and Evening Post in Wellington. He was also the pa¯ keha¯ voice and political adviser to Princess Te Puea.
Tiahuia was adopted as wha¯ ngai to Princess Te Puea and spent her early years on Tu¯ rangawaewae Marae. As one of Te Puea’s favourites she was allowed to live at home with the princess, where she would act as one of her handmaidens, waving the fan to keep her cool in hot Waikato summers.
Life there was filled with childhood joys: swimming in the Waikato River, working and smoking in the tobacco fields, and stealing flowers she liked from local gardens.
In 1952, she moved to Wellington to live with her parents, sister Irihapeti and brother Peter. After the initial culture shock, she enjoyed swimming at Thorndon Pool – after practising against the strong Waikato River currents she had become a talented swimmer, jumping up at 6am every morning to race against the regional swimmers.
She attended Hutt Hospital nursing
‘‘Tikanga was a huge part of our upbringing. Mum made sure we knew our te reo and kapa haka.’’
school in her late teens, and met her future husband Neil at a ‘‘hairdrying party’’ in Island Bay.
She and her friends had been outside in the rain when they got sopping wet. Neil opened the door and saw Tiahuia, to which he said: ‘‘Here’s a towel, shall I dry your hair for you?’’, Merenia said.
They married in 1965 at St Peter’s Anglican Church and they later had five children: Fraser, Moana, Merenia, and twins Nathan and Tanemahuta.
According to Merenia, Tiahuia was a ‘‘tirelessly dedicated’’ mother, who drove her children around to their wide ranging interests including piano, scouts, drama, sports and dance practices.
She also instilled a respect for tikanga Ma¯ ori in her children, ensuring they spent time at Nga¯ ti Poneke Marae on Thorndon Quay.
‘‘When she would drive us around to our extracurricular activities, or when she was cooking in the kitchen, she would always have waiata on the radio.
‘‘Tikanga was a huge part of our upbringing. Mum made sure we knew our te reo and kapa haka.
‘‘She was a strict mum, she would always tell us if we were doing a half-pie job at something.’’
But she was also hugely loving, ensuring there was always kai, such as rewena (Ma¯ ori bread), on the table when the kids got home from school. ‘‘She was always thinking of others. She would make dinner for us and then take a huge plate of sausages up to the marae.’’
Tiahuia was a lifelong learner: when the children were a bit older she returned to Victoria University to complete her bachelor of arts in Ma¯ ori Studies and Anthropology in 1989.
She became a taurima for the university marae for seven years. After that, she returned to Wellington High School as a mature student to complete her School Certificate and University Entrance.
She later returned there as a te reo Ma¯ ori teacher. ‘‘When she studied, she worked and worked and worked, she would begin at midnight and finish at 4am,’’ Merenia said.
She moved to Paraparaumu to live out her later years, and was a key wha¯ nau kaitiaki for Kenakena School, visiting Ma¯ ori families in the region to build up positive relationships in the community.
‘‘She was renowned for bringing Ma¯ ori and Pa¯ keha¯ together and making everyone feel comfortable,’’ Merenia said.
This was reflected in the 500 people who attended her tangi.
Tiahuia spent her final years at Sevenoaks retirement home in Paraparaumu, where she was remembered for the gratitude she showed to her carers.
Speaking at her tangi, eldest son Fraser returned to one of Tiahuia’s defining traits: her mana.
‘‘This really was her magic and success in life, teaching us all that humility, grace and aroha really is the way forward.’’ –