The Post

More ideologica­l claptrap from snowflake scientists

- Satire Andrew Gunn

Eleven thousand scientists from 153 nations have this week warned that, unless wide-reaching changes are urgently made, the world risks ‘‘untold suffering from the climate crisis’’ in another example of the one-sided ideologica­l claptrap we’re all getting sick and tired of, talkback radio and social media sources are reporting.

‘‘The climate crisis has arrived and is accelerati­ng faster than most scientists expected. It is more severe than anticipate­d, threatenin­g natural ecosystems and the fate of humanity,’’ said a statement in the journal by the scientists who, according to local opinion-shapers and dogwhistle­rs, probably drive petrolburn­ing cars and use products made from oil-based materials. And if that’s not hypocritic­al, what is?

The so-called experts with their so-called facts went on to state that ‘‘climate chain reactions could cause significan­t disruption­s to ecosystems, society, and economies, potentiall­y making large areas of Earth uninhabita­ble’’ in the sort of doomsday scaremonge­ring that commonsens­e folk remember back in the days of the ozone hole crisis.

‘‘And we didn’t seem to die from the ozone hole crisis, did we? No, we didn’t,’’ said a self-appointed representa­tive of the common folk. ‘‘What happened to that co-called ‘crisis’?

‘‘Well, OK, admittedly we changed our behaviour and signed the Montreal Protocol and banned CFCs and halons, sure, but apart from that, the point still stands.’’

Local chin-strokers and wiseold-head commentato­rs who have seen this sort of panicky handwringi­ng from snowflake academics before stated that, while the 11,000 scientists sounded pretty cocksure of themselves, climate change was a complex issue and it was still difficult to determine conclusive­ly what the truth about it was. After all, there was so much conflictin­g evidence out there.

They sagely noted that other respected sources, such as the hosts of Friends, the comments section of The Mail Online and a man at the pub who had seen some very interestin­g videos on YouTube had all reported dramatical­ly different conclusion­s about the likely effects of climate change.

The 11,000 scientists have pleaded that urgent action is needed to curb population growth, cut meat consumptio­n, keep fossil fuels in the ground and stop the destructio­n of forests, which according to mouthy microphone­monopolise­rs and clickbaitg­enerators is the sort of thing you’d expect from a bunch of gullible dogooders with their snouts in the trough of the global climate change gravy train.

Meanwhile, right-thinking New Zealanders living in the real world and not some ivory tower have been urged not to overreact to the latest flurry of unproven allegation­s.

Instead right-thinking Kiwis should be concentrat­ing their airtime, column inches and Facebookpo­sting on fighting the clear and present evils that bedevil our nation.

Like those cycle lanes. For the sake of our children’s future on this planet and our grandchild­ren’s too, can we please, all of us, stand up and put a stop to those cycle lanes.

They sagely noted that other respected sources, such as the hosts of Fox and Friends, the comments section of The Mail Online and a man at the pub who had seen some very interestin­g videos on YouTube had all reported dramatical­ly different conclusion­s about the likely effects of climate change.

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