Love’s cheaper than loneliness
Tom Susans and Judith Coppen can count themselves among the lucky ones. They have found a loving connection three times. Coppen, from New Plymouth, and Susans, of Queensland, first met and fell in love in 1957 and were engaged two years later.
Unfortunately parental disapproval of the union meant no wedding ever took place.
It would be another 60 years, after the pair had fallen in love, married and raised families with different partners, before they found each other again.
And again they connected, fell in love and this time they married. Coppen is 80 and Susans 87.
Their story, a small but glorious victory of love across a lifetime, travelled the world. Its journey was proof that, despite the increase in digitally enabled hook-ups that can make human connection feel impersonal and transactional, romance and enduring love is something we crave.
Which is a good thing because, while the connection that love brings helps us find meaning in life, it also helps us live longer.
The findings of a 75-year-long Harvard study showed a strong correlation between supportive and kind relationships and a sharper mind and immunity to physical ill-health.
That same Harvard study found the reverse is also true. Staying in an unloving and unsupportive relationship increased your risk of chest pain, backaches, cardiovascular problems and high blood pressure.
Love, it seems, is the secret to a long, happy life. Coppen and Susans are a fine reminder of that. Theirs is more than just a story to make your heart flutter. It’s also a public health story of the benefits of emotional connections.
New Zealand needs more love and more connection. Much more. As our population ages and we live longer than ever, loneliness is revealing itself as an ever-increasing problem that cannot be ignored. We need to talk about it. And not just about loneliness in our elderly population, but across the ages.
It is not necessarily the government’s concern that people aren’t in a loving relationship or do not have meaningful connections with their community, but the outcomes of their situation are.
Loneliness is known to be a key contributor to the onset of depression. There are links to other negative mental health outcomes, such as social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, cognitive decline and paranoia, as well as physical health problems.
Former US surgeon-general Dr Vivek Murthy calculated the reduction in life span because of loneliness as similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day – more than the impact of obesity.
University of Auckland professor of health sciences Merryn Gott, who studied loneliness in the elderly as part of the National Science Challenge ‘‘Ageing Well’’, said last year that investing in ways to help people connect and reduce loneliness would have huge cost savings.
Connecting people is not just the preserve of the Left wing’s socially conscious approach to policy; it’s the sort of policy a Right-wing party can defend as responsible financial management of limited resources.
We need to prioritise love and social connections and bring it to the front of our decision-making. When we do, everyone will profit.
Because as Coppen and Susans already know, love really can conquer all, when you let it.
We need to prioritise love and social connections and bring it to the front of our decision-making. When we do, everyone will profit.