She is doing it with us’
Since Emily’s death the pair have struggled to feel comfortable in water; six weeks ago they passed a significant milestone by completing a river crossing near Arthur’s Pass.
Although the water was below their knees it was a major challenge to remain calm. Branje said it was important to ‘‘face the fear, to turn it into love’’.
The challenge was to do things that made them feel happy, without the guilt, and she believed Emily would never have wanted Baxter to be fearful of an event that he loved.
‘‘When faced with having to recreate our lives, it is a matter
Janine Branje
of facing your fear. Otherwise you don’t get to do things that bring you joy again.’’
Baxter had wanted to compete in the one-day race, dubbed the Longest Day, but accepted he hadn’t done the volume of training required. His previous one-day attempt several years ago didn’t finish on a happy note, having missed the cut for the final cycle leg after the kayak.
He laughed as recalled Emily saying she was annoyed because she had been denied the chance to run down the shute with him toward the finish line.
Returning to a regular training routine had been positive for himself and Branje.
‘‘I guess you have to choose how you grieve,’’ Baxter, who also urged people to be cautious around rivers and the sea, said. ‘‘We know Emily wouldn’t want us sitting back, she wouldn’t want us giving up.’’
‘‘Don’t get me wrong, I have moments where I bawl my eyes out . . . But . . . you have to get yourself back to what is helpful and exercise is helpful.’’