Tax cut. Go on, you know you want it

Hello, this is the current affairs programme that shines a light in places others don’t. Tonight we’re speaking with National’s finance spokesperson. Paul Goldsmith, welcome.

I hope you haven’t brought me here to ambush me with questions about the Serious Fraud Office.

Goodness no, we’re much more interested in substantive questions of policy.

Besides, that SFO one’s not going away any time soon. So let’s talk about National’s economic blueprint.

Delighted to. I’m very excited about it. It’s bold and it’s fresh.

How bold and how fresh, exactly?

Very bold and very fresh.

It’s tax cuts, isn’t it?

Of course it’s tax cuts. It’s always tax cuts. That’s the one string to our economic bow and we’re plucking it, baby, plucking it. Cash in your hand, money in your pocket.

You’re not interested in some big step change that will mark National out as an innovative Centre-Right party bringing prosperity for all, a shining city on a hill, a thousand points of light, a rising tide lifting all boats, yada yada,yada? You know, the vision thing?

Yeah nah. We tried the vision thing and New Zealanders told us pretty clearly: no new flag for us thanks. So that’s that. The old vision thing, as they say, doesn’t test well in focus groups. But hey, how do you like the feel of those tax cuts?

Simon Bridges this week said people on the average wage shouldn’t be paying almost 33 cents in the dollar.

Indeed they shouldn’t. What are you, some tax-and-spend liberal?

But they’re not.

Sorry?

A person on the average wage pays nothing like 33 cents in the dollar. That’s not even their top marginal rate.

Yes, well those are just details.

Factual details.

Look, here’s how it works. Simon’s the big picture guy, the –

The vision guy?

No, I mean –

The dreamer?

No, what I mean is I’m the finance spokesman and if you want details, ask me.

So what precisely are the details of National’s tax cuts?

I can’t tell you.

I see your leader may well scrap the present Government’s minimum wage rise to $20 an hour. That’s because the National Party is the party of reality. And the reality is if you want your wages to rise all the way up to $20 an hour you’ll need to show some gains in productivity.

How is it that in 2020 we’re still telling people on the lowest wages that they’ll just have to work a little harder?

That’s a question you’ll need to ask the people who’ll just have to work a little harder. Or smarter. Let’s not forget that. If people work smarter, they won’t have to work harder.

How should, say, a cleaner work smarter?

Well, for example if they learned to hold a toilet brush in both hands they could scrub the toilet and the bidet at the same time. Isn’t that brilliant?

Wait, what – you have a bidet? Never mind that, just focus on this. Tax cut. Tax cut. Go on, you know you want it.