Bland Biden might be lucky
I’m sorry to be unkind. I really am, almost. But looking at Joe Biden I can’t imagine he ever had the energy to grope anyone, even a young woman with legs he liked the look of. Legs, then. He’s a leg man. He comes to us from the lads-mag past, when there were leg men or breast men, as in roast chicken. And women didn’t think it was insulting.
Energy-wise he might smack a (smallish) dog with a rolled-up newspaper. Then he’d have to take a nap.
The word for Biden is bland. He says little, and what he says is bland. His clothes are bland. His history is pretty much boring and bland, bar some family tragedies.
Yet one incident in a life lasting 80-odd years has come back to bite him, reminding us that even dreary men sometimes have a pulse.
I’m wondering, in fact, if there’s a man in this world who could never be bitten like this, because if a grey person like Biden can attract a claim of sexual assault, admittedly when he was younger, most men must have truckloads.
It matters more with Biden because he is – unbelievably – the top contender in the Democratic Party to stand for president against Donald Trump. That’s not because of his charisma, his inspiring rhetoric, incisive intelligence, compassion, energy, or passion. It’s because he’s the last man standing, and for heaven’s sake they can’t put up a woman against Trump. Not after last time.
With a bully’s instinctive cut to the chase, Trump calls his rival Sleepy Joe, which is a compliment compared to the many florid turns of phrase that could describe himself.
But this isn’t about Trump. It’s about Tara Reade’s recurring accusation from 35 years ago that Biden sexually assaulted her, which he denies.
Iaccept that it’s true, because I won’t call any woman with such a claim a liar, but I’m thinking this has resurfaced much too late. A year ago it could have derailed Biden’s lethargic amble to the White House, and another average joe (never a bright woman) would have had a chance. To do it now is a kind of operatic revenge.
Perhaps Biden should be dumped because of her accusation, even if it causes significant harm to him and the Democrats with an election imminent. But maybe, powerless as women can feel to accuse their attackers, they have disproportionate power themselves when they accuse without compelling evidence, and must be believed.
What woman has not experienced something similar, or worse? Can we reasonably expect women to keep hold of evidence, like Monica Lewinsky did with her famous blue dress, to prove their case?
Where did she keep the dress, I wonder? In a cardboard box, labelled with date and time? Who’s that efficient?
Biden is lucky that, shabby as his behaviour may have been, it would be nothing compared to Trump’s record with women.
He’s lucky, too, that standing against the most polarising president in years means he’ll get votes not so much for himself as against Trump. What a grey victory that would be. They’d serve cocoa and biscuits at campaign HQ.
I guess the Democrats will staunch this out the way Republicans have, and Reade’s story will become a footnote, like Lewinsky’s, to history. But how lucky we’ve been to have American politics as entertainment during the lockdown.
As a former soap opera writer, I’m in awe of the storylines of the past few weeks’ news. They’ve been so like real life you’d almost swear they were true.