Duchess shares grief after miscarriage
The Duchess of Sussex revealed yesterday that she had suffered amiscarriage, losing her unborn second child in July.
In a deeply personal article for The New York Times, the duchess, 39, described the ‘‘almost unbearable grief’’ that had consumed both herself and her husband, the Duke of Sussex.
She noted that despite the ‘‘staggering commonality of this pain’’, the subject remained taboo and that by speaking out, she hoped to encourage others to do the same, lightening the load for those who are grieving.
The Duchess suffered the miscarriage at a time that she was ‘‘going through a lot’’, sources indicated, including moving house, focusing on the launch of a new charitable foundation and dealing with a number of setbacks in her high-profile legal action against The Mail on Sunday. Her decision to speak out about the experience was described as a ‘‘big step’’ but one she felt was important, having had time to process her grief.
The Sussexes are understood to have informed members of the Royal Family, who were ‘‘understandably saddened’’.
In the 1075-word opinion piece, the Duchess revealed that she had begun the day in question like any other and had just changed her one-year-old son Archie’s nappy before suffering a sharp stomach pain.
‘‘I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right,’’ she wrote.
‘‘I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second.’’
The duchess was taken to hospital, where she and the duke clung to each other, overwhelmed by grief. ‘‘I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears,’’ she went on. ‘‘Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.’’
The duchess, described as ‘‘a mother, feminist and advocate’’, recalled a pivotal moment in September when, as they came to the end of an exhausting tour in South Africa, Tom Bradby, the ITV journalist, asked her: ‘‘Are you OK?’’
‘‘I answered him honestly, not knowing that what I said would resonate with so many – new moms and older ones, and anyone who had, in their own way, been silently suffering,’’ she wrote.
‘‘My off-the-cuff reply seemed to give people permission to speak their truth. But it wasn’t responding honestly that helped me most, it was the question itself. ‘Thank you for asking, I said. ‘Not many people have asked if I’m OK.’
‘‘Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realised that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, ‘Are you OK?’’’
The importance of such an otherwise banal question was also highlighted by the duke during a Time 100 talk in October, when he urged listeners to really take the time to listen to the answer before moving on.
The duchess used her own experience of loss to reflect on the pain suffered by so many in 2020, and expressed sadness that despite such a high proportion of women who lose unborn babies – one in four pregnancies in the UK is estimated to end in miscarriage – it was rarely discussed.
‘‘Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few,’’ the duchess wrote.
‘‘In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame.’’