I’ve resolved to be irresolute

Brand new me woke up on Friday morning and stretched. Up before the birds, I donned my Lululemon workout gear, laced up my running shoes and hit the dark streets, effortlessly pounding the pavement.

For 45 minutes I ran aroundmy neighbourhood, waving to other joggers, stopping only to pick up the occasional piece of litter. Once home, I ate my activated oats, drank a litre of water, then spent an hour working on my novel as the new year dawned outsidemy spotlesswindows.

None of that really happened, of course, but if I’d made a New Year resolution that’s what it would have looked like, though it still wouldn’t have happened.

Making aNew Year resolution is about as ridiculous as telling David Clark to stay home during a national lockdown, and the end result is the same. All you get out of both scenarios is biting disappointment, a bit of anger, and a sense of shame that you expected any other outcome.

Despite that, a new year has always called for new lies, and I’ve never missed the opportunity to make a vow I know I’d break.

Whilemy own resolutions usually don’t even begin before I discard them, I’m not alone in my failure, just a bit premature.

About 90 per cent of promises are broken before the end of January, and the world’s most popular running app found January 19 is the day most folks give up on their goal to exercise more.

We’re so bad at keeping these annual undertakings to ourselves that you have to wonder why we even bother.

It turns out that, like so many of the rituals we practise these days, starting the new year promising ourselves we’ll be better goes back thousands of years.

New Year resolutions are thought to have started some 4000 years ago with the ancient Babylonians, according to the History.com website. The Babylonians’ new year began in midMarch, when crops were planted, and during a 12-day religious festival known as Akitu they made promises to the gods to return objects they’d borrowed and to repay any debts.

As with most things, the Romans were also involved, and it was theywho turned January into the start of the year.

The monthwas named for Janus, the two-faced god of doors; believing he looked backwards into the previous year and ahead into the future, the Romans offered sacrifices and made promises of good behaviour for the year ahead.

For early Christians, the first day of the new year became the traditional occasion for thinking about past mistakes and resolving to do better in the future. Whether these early optimists kept their promises is amoot point; they kicked off the tradition many of us still indulge today. Except this year I didn’t.

What actually happened on Fridaywas old-me woke up mid-morning with a stonking headache, rolled over and went back to sleep. About midday, I lurched downstairs, made a cup of coffee, and sat on the kitchen bench staring into space. Then I returned to bed, where I slept the sleep of the righteous because I hadn’t promised myself I’d do anything more than that.

Experts say the key to a successfulNew Year resolution is making sure it’s realistic and achievable, so this year Iwill be resolutely irresolute.

It’s awonderful thing starting a new year with no expectations, plans or promises, and for anyone who vowed themselves anything else, it’s never too early to quit.

We made it through 2020, that’s enough for today.