Mum’s anguish
‘Why didn’t he ask for help?’
Maree Budd can’t stop asking herself why her son did not seek help before he died – why she didn’t know more about his mental state.
Sam Thomas, who lived on the West Coast and worked at Hokitika’s Westland Milk Products, died on September 13 last year in an apparent suicide.
Thomas, in his late 20s, is one of 12 mostly young men, to die on the West Coast in a spate of selfinflicted deaths in the past year, prompting calls from community leaders for a more open debate about suicide.
A promising DJ with lots of friends, a hard worker and devoted son, Thomas had everything to live for, his mother Budd says.
Thomas loved the West Coast, mixing music with his friends and scouring the region’s wild beaches for greenstone.
‘‘He was such a great kid. He was a hard worker. He’d been working since he was 14. He got a job pushing trolleys at the supermarket. He worked in the mines in Aussie. He worked his whole life right up to the day he died,’’ Budd said.
Sam finished work at 4.30am. By 6am, he was found dead. She thinks he was struggling with the end of an eight-year relationship.
‘‘He was devastated. He couldn’t see past it. It breaks my heart he didn’t ring me. ‘‘
The last conversation Budd had with her son was two days before his death.
‘‘I’ve replayed this conversation over in my mind. He sounded happy, he said he was coming over to see me the next weekend and would stay for a week. He was excited because he was getting a new [music] deck,’’ she said.
Sam was a talented musician playing with Drum and Bass group The Too Far Gone Boys. The band held a fundraiser to pay for Sam’s funeral.
‘‘They are all really gutted. Noone thought he would have taken his life. He was such a happy out there boy . . . His favourite saying was ‘Are ya pumping? I’m pumping’ He was like an energiser bunny,’’ she said.
‘‘It’s just a waste of a life. Since he died there has been four more [suspected] suicides in 10 months, all young guys who I personally know. There’s just nowhere to go for help. Guys like them don’t go into mental health and say I need a hand. The system is failing them,’’ she said.
She believed a drop in centre was needed for young people on the Coast.
‘‘Somewhere to go to talk to someone. There is nothing on the West Coast and it’s rampant, absolutely rampant. It’s taking all manner of people. It’s taking fathers from their babies,’’ she said.
She wanted the stigma around suicide to be stamped out.
‘‘I believe it needs to be more out in the open because something needs to change. People ask what happened and...they instantly shut down they don’t know what to say and back away,’’ she said.
Budd has two older sons and Sam’s twin sister Hope and Sapphire, who would have been 30. She has fulltime care of her two grandchildren, aged 11 and seven. She said it had been a ‘‘long haul’’.
‘‘It’s been a long haul. One minute you are talking to them next minute they are lying in a box. It’s terrible. I can’t stop thinking ‘why didn’t I know? Why didn’t he ask for help? why didn’t I hear it?’ I know no matter how much I cry or wail he’s not coming back. It’s pointless. He’s gone,’’ she said.
Next year, the family will scatter Sam’s ashes.
‘‘We will scatter his ashes on the Coast on Rapahoe Beach. That’s where he collected green stone, he was at peace there.’’