The never, never of a coalition government cast-off
Remember the song crooned by Johnny Mathis? The lyrics refer to a future occurrence that would never happen, hence the refrain about the never, never date being, ‘‘a long, long time’’.
Winston Peters scored his own goal as he saw October 12 come and go as the calendar date when he said he would announce which of the two main political parties NZ First would go with. Missing his own deadline was a gift to parliamentary gallery journalists to whom the Right Honourable Winston Peters addresses in Lewis Carroll-style riddles, berating them for daring to ask any question.
A few bars of
played on a cellphone in the background of the parliamentary pack wouldn’t go amiss to break the monotony of the abusive politician/media relationship played out each night on the television.
No wonder the national pastime of bullying is at epidemic proportions, with a putative prime minister leading by example.
Peters has been the only game in town as the leaders of the two main political parties go out of their way to act like shrubs, the prime minister in particular doing a creep down the alleyways to hide, as Paul Simon sang, ‘‘somewhere they (the media) can’t find me’’.
There are benefits to National taking a sabbatical from plotting against Peters and keeping a low profile. It’s a relief to take a break from the spectacle of the grinning yes men and women MPs of National bobbing their heads like car-nodding dogs in the background of Bill English as he makes his bland utterances.
Deputy leader Paula Bennett is so good at cracking the grin that her nodding effigy could be appearing on a $2 shop shelf near you sometime soon.
In contrast, Labour flanks its leader but soft-pedals the head nods and grins. Instead they opt for affecting the solid demeanour of Easter Island statues, Labour Party leader Jacinda Ardern having used up the party quota on sunny Marie Osmond smiles. Even hers was turning pale and wan as she repeatedly fronted the media to tell them of the positive and productive nature of their coalition talks.
Set pieces for the camera can be reassuring to the electorate but run the risk of becoming tired cliches. As the coalition chats continue with the country keeping on keeping on and with a missingin-action caretaker captain at the helm, those on board the ship begin to think mutinous thoughts.
Those crew who are cross that the Greens didn’t carpe diem and do sit-downs with National have wondered why Green Party leader James Shaw has been compliant in keeping his party out of Labour talks with NZ First.
Since the Metiria Turei wrongfooting, Labour has had to keep the Greens in a back room like Grace Poole managing the imprisonment of Mr Rochester’s crazy first wife. And we all know how that incarceration turned out, Mrs Rochester eventually breaking free of her shackles to burn down the house, leaving her spouse horribly disfigured and blind.
But the burning question in this crew member’s mind was, upon hearing that during coalition talks Shaw took shore leave and went to the movies, what flick did the Green take in?
or
The longer the coalition talks go on, the more the electorate gets used to the country running itself sans the strut of political leaders. Some of the crew have long given up on any notion of sovereign autonomy or leadership with any kind of vision, instead believing that the ship is run from offshore by cartels, monopolies and corporations.
For those first-time voters and those coaxed into believing their franchise actually counted for something, finding out that the final decision is left up to a board of faceless, nameless people will make them strike their name from the electoral register forever.
At least this is the last roll of the dice for Peters, who will either die in the saddle or, after the threeyear term, retire to write his doctorate on MMP coalition talks before taking his thesis to the international lecture circuit. Suggestion, if you want to hasten the demise of an ageing or overweight Cabinet minister, appoint them Minister of Foreign Affairs with deep vein thrombosis benefits.
For those journalists covering the ground hog of coalition, perhaps they too should absent themselves from the fray. Nothing would infuriate Peters more than not having the media to kick on a daily basis.
Perhaps a media angling trip should have been organised with Pacific fisheries funster Shane Jones honoured with weighing the final catch.