Goodwill breaks out early

Tisn’t quite the season to be jolly yet, but Parliament’s first question time yesterday had a touch of the Nativity about it – in stark contrast to the menace displayed on Tuesday’s first sitting.

There was an infant – the baby daughter of Labour’s Willow-Jean Prime, borne in for her regular feed, now babies are allowed into the debating chamber.

There was a gift – though more mirth than myrrh. When Act’s David Seymour plaintively asked whether he was really only allowed one supplementary question, Speaker Trevor Mallard suggested he ask ‘‘some friends’’ for extra allocation in future. The House rather meanly laughed at this suggestion, as Seymour, a caucus of one and not in any coalition, technically has no friends these days. Labour promptly gifted him a question from their allocation. Seymour was so abashed at the generosity, he hesitated slightly before blasting his benefactors for their plans to close charter schools.

Finance Minister Grant Robertson promised to produce the season’s first Advent Calendar, specially for his predecessor Steven Joyce. Joyce asked so many questions about the Budget he reminded Robertson of a child desperate to squeeze presents under the tree. ‘‘If the member can’t wait, I’ll make him a special Advent Calendar so he can count down to the half-yearly fiscal update.’’

There may even have been fir trees, but new Regional Development Minister Shane Jones was being a Secret Santa about his mass-treeplanting scheme. People would have to wait for the Budget Policy Statement.

This comparative niceness didn’t last. Jones became the session’s first MP to have to withdraw and apologise, after he called for the interjecting Joyce, ‘‘the Slim Shady with the bald head over there’’, to ‘‘keep quiet!’’

Mallard introduced a new penalty system: anyone interjecting during a question will now cop the penalty of their opponents getting an extra question. Within minutes he had awarded two against the Government. When it was pointed out National MPs had also spoken out of turn, he apologised but said it was just the Government’s luck that he was ‘‘a bit deaf’’ in his left ear – the ear on the Opposition’s side.

In a further subtle challenge to his authority as new sheriff in town, Mallard’s gown kept slipping and he had to roil about in it like an agitated Dracula to hitch it up again. Doubtless, given the outbreak of goodwill, a whipround for Velcro and safety pins will secure his mana very soon.