A guffaw shows National MPs are enjoying their ‘sport’
It’s a mistake to assume that when the Opposition asks the Government a question, it always wants an answer. The whole point of its new favourite sport of questioning acting Prime Minister Kelvin Davis in Parliament is that it knows it will barely get a peep out of him.
The deputy Labour leader has clearly been instructed not to extemporise while he’s holding the fort during the prime minister and deputy PM’s overseas absence. Or indeed at all. The once-garrulous and combative MP had a few over-excited blurts when he was first elected Jacinda Ardern’s deputy in August, and has since been under orders to return to his much earlier persona of strong-and-silent Northlandic type till further notice.
This has reduced him to Sir Humprey-isms like ‘‘Decisions will be announced in due course’’ and ‘‘The Government will be looking at all available options before making a decision’’. Such empty phrases are so alien to the former school principal, he might be reciting Swahili.
Similarly reduced in vocab are NZ First MPs, who dare not speak of the new Trans-Pacific Partnership agreement. That this is now called ‘‘Comprehensive and Progressive’’ – the CPTPP – makes it literally hard to talk about, as it doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
Until recently, Peters’ MPs positively spat out the acronym, being implacably opposed to it. But his new caucus has mixed views on the trade deal, and has just watched him spend his first away gig as foreign minister standing by while their new Government dotted Is and crossed Ts, in readiness to sign this item of devil’s work.
National’s Simon Bridges had great sport trying to get Regional Development Minister Shane Jones, who supports the deal, to admit as much. Jones said the deal was ‘‘still in flux’’ and ‘‘not directly within my province of responsibility’’, but would doubtless bring ‘‘some upside’’. Certain people’s previous averse comments were ‘‘historical’’ and ‘‘not made in the context of the new deal’’. When these evasions brought continued Opposition laughter, Jones resorted to pretending not to understand the question.
In other words, National’s Steven Joyce crowed, Jones wouldn’t know what he was allowed to think ‘‘till Winston gets home!’’
It’s rare for non-verbal interjections to be ruled out of order, but Speaker Trevor Mallard further tightened his new rule that questions be heard in silence after Government MPs used patsy questions to boast of their CPTPP progress. With Labour having opposed the deal while in Opposition, this drew a derisive expostulation from National’s Nick Smith.
‘‘Who made that noise?’’ Mallard snapped. After a perplexed silence, he specified: ‘‘It was a sort of guffaw-type noise.’’ Smith admitted, ‘‘I might have made it.’’ Mallard then awarded the Government a penalty question to punish the guffaw.
Bridges complained. ‘‘One man’s guffaw may simply be an ‘ahem’,’’ he said with a throaty flourish. But Mallard ruled sufficiently loud ‘‘ahems’’ would henceforth get the biff as well.
No-one dared venture an ‘‘harrumph’’.