Cricket bowling joke becomes true for lame England

What do you call an England Test player with a hundred to his name? A bowler.

This joke has been doing the rounds for a long, long time. But it was no laughing matter for England on Sunday as five of their bowling attack racked up the dreaded ’bowler’s century’ during the third Ashes Test at the WACA Ground.

James Anderson and Stuart Broad are the most prolific newball attack in Test history.

But even they were powerless to stop Australia, when the major damage was done on Saturday on a flat WACA deck. In fact, Broad’s figures of 0-142 from 35 overs were the worst in his 112-Test career.

Zimbabwe hold the unenviable record of having six bowlers concede 100 runs or more in a Test innings. On seven other occasions, teams have had five bowlers enter the 100 club.

England have now been on the receiving end on three of those occasions — twice at the hands of Australia.

It’s not as though England are in denial about their shortfalls.

Assistant coach Paul Farbrace admitted as much when he conceded the team’s bowling attack was effectively limp when forced to toil on flat pitches.

With no express pacemen in their line-up, Farbrace says his team simply doesn’t have any weapons when the ball doesn’t reverse swing.

So what was their plan of attack on a flat WACA deck? It was to effectively bore Australia’s batsmen into getting out by maintaining a ‘‘monotonous’’ line and length.

Worryingly for England, there are no pace or spin candidates banging down the door demanding selection.

Farbrace says the fastest quicks on the outer are the guys who are only suited to bowling four-over spells — hardly a recipe for success in Test cricket where it’s not uncommon for teams to spend all day in the field. Sometimes, teams can paper over their pace deficiencies with a star spinner.

But England have no such luxury in the form of Moeen Ali, who has taken just three wickets at an average of 105.33 so far this series.

Ali has performed so poorly, that Australia captain Steve Smith cheekily stated batsman Dawid Malan was the pick of England’s spinners on Saturday.

So where to next for England? As good as Anderson and Broad have been over the years, it’s clear their partnership is approaching the end — possibly even by the end of this series. Anderson is 35 years old, and could pull the pin any day.

Broad, 31, might have a few more years up his sleeve, but he is by no means the long-term answer to England’s pace woes.

Allrounder Ben Stokes will help bolster the attack if he can keep out of trouble, and two-Test paceman Craig Overton has promise. Overton, 23, showed he also has guts by playing on in the third Ashes Test at the WACA despite nursing a cracked rib.