How dogs conquered the world
Dogs may know when they’re on to a good thing, but Ewan Sargent wonders whether we humans have been so sharp.
On the drive back from the river Pippi was lying on the back seat. This was unusual because she prefers to sit in the car, but she’d got so tired from racing along the stopbanks and dragging sticks out of the fast river she was giving all legs a rest.
Then she started sneezing in an odd way, pulling her face to one side, grinning a bit maniacally, then snooosh.
Pull over, pull over, said my wife. And I did, and we waited until Pippi had cleared the bit of river silt she’d licked off a paw, then looked up blankly ‘‘what?’’
It occurred to me while parked by the side of the of the road waiting for a dog to stop sneezing that we might not be so different to all the other nutty dog lovers out there. The ones I sometimes smile at.
Like the day I came home and said ‘‘who would get a dog’s ashes mixed in tattoo ink, then get your dog stuck in your skin forever ...’’ and no-one said ‘‘no way’’. They just looked thoughtful. Like, yeah maybe.
Or when I showed them a photo of a poodle with a hand-knitted pink jacket, pink beanie with bobble on top – ‘‘that’s crazy, these people should get a kid right?’’ Instead, the family said ‘‘awww cute’’ and ‘‘oh look at the hat, aww’’.
Then someone draped a tea towel over Pippi’s head, an old family gag, and voila – baffled Mother Teresa reappeared again. Hmmm.
Thoughts on a pet
As we pulled back on to the road, lots of dog thoughts bubbled up.
There was a fresh one from 10 minutes ago – when the hare waited until the split second it was out of sight, then did a 90-degree turn and Pippi raced on missing the jink. Me pointlessly yelling ‘‘it’s gone that way’’, Pippi ignoring everything in a race to nowhere.
This was brilliant new material for another long-running family joke in which civilisation has collapsed, we are survivalists living off the land, and life depends on game caught by Pippi.
That goes back years to when she found a hare crouching still in the grass and she stood back barking nervously at it because it wasn’t playing and things had gone weird.
Had we really joined the nutty dog lovers and not realised it?
We got Pippi because it’s good for kids to grow up with a dog – to learn about caring for animals and responsibility (though funny how I do all the feeding and they were resting up at home on this morning riverbank outing).
But Pippi has become the anchor of many family stories and adventures and private moments.
She’s like a little mini social network connecting everyone in a very paws-on way.
Perfectly evolved
As the motorway took us back to the city I realised that on the back seat was a perfectly evolved animal that had taken over the people who have taken over the world.
For us it started on another drive across the city eight years ago to look at puppies.
I made it clear it was just a look and no decision on getting one had been made or necessarily would be made. All in the firmest possible adult voice.
We drove back planning where Pippi would sleep.
What would the ex-wolf ancestors of Pippi make of that? The ones that would have caught that hare for an entree and had us for a main?
Maybe they would approve. Those wolves were smart. They swapped sides and became handy guards for shepherds.
They abandoned the risky life of running in packs and pulling down antelopes to survive – Pippi represents peak abandonment – but gained other skills to embed themselves in our lives.
Just imagine one of those wolves having a look around now.
Through wolf eyes
In New Zealand it would see about 700,000 ex-wolves. Their human masters spend about $800 million a year on them.
Most of the money goes on dog food, but a couple of hundred million is left over to cover things like pink wool for knitted jackets and poo bags.
In our cities the ancestor wolf would see human masters carrying warm bags of Pippi poo, hoping the plastic holds and promising themselves to get the dearer brand next time.
You can get fined $300 fine if you get caught not picking it up in most cities.
Dog dollars
He would also see dog parks, puppy training schools, professional dog walkers, dog groomers, dog beauty contests, dog working competitions, dog insurance and dog doctors and surgeons.
He’d see humans paying thousands of dollars for badly designed dogs, then paying thousands more to patch them up because they are trendy.
Some dogs get knee and hip operations while limping humans wait to hurt enough. But there is give with the take.
Lessons in a picture
Pippi is easily the most cellphone-snapped family member but she teaches us some good lessons around that.
She doesn’t care what she looks like. She doesn’t care what we look like. She doesn’t fake anything. She is what she is. The photo is irrelevant to life.
That’s powerful stuff. A relationship with a dog is a real analogue relationship of the kind that many people don’t get from other people and don’t realise how badly they miss it.
While Pippi won’t hunt down supper, apparently she is making us healthier and helping us to live longer, according to the vast international research into doghuman relationships.
This year I learned that people with sleep disorders sleep better if there’s a dog in the room. Dogs boosted the sleeper’s feelings of comfort and security.
Rules are for breaking
We have a rule of no dogs on furniture or beds. But I also found out this year that Pippi had been sleeping in beds hidden under blankets for years.
There had been some close shaves, but I’d never spotted it. So dogs and daughters can keep secrets.
A massive study of millions of Swedes – impossible to argue with – found dog owners had healthier hearts than non dog owners.
Possible reasons included what you’d expect – dogs make you exercise more because they need walks, dogs lower the stress of being lonely – and the interesting idea that dogs bring new dirt into the house.
This pleases our gut bacteria and we know now that gut bacteria rule.
This all made sense driving back with Pippi now fast asleep.
A walk by the river does everyone’s head and heart good. We’d had some hare excitement and a fresh batch of river silt bacteria was on the way to benefit the owners of some beds in particular.
I’m back home now.
It’s the golden-light time of evening and Pippi is on the deck, sniffing the breeze, listening to the birds as they slowly build for the evening signoff. So I turn the computer off and join her.
These dogs know what they are doing.
We have a rule of no dogs on furniture or beds. But I also found out this year that Pippi had been sleeping in beds hidden under blankets for years. There had been some close shaves, but I'd never spotted it. So dogs and daughters can keep secrets.