Should PM let Peters overwinter at Scott Base?

Prime Minister, how was your holiday?

I’ve been absolutely clear from the very beginning that this would be a holiday of beaches, it would be a holiday of jandals, it would be a holiday of relaxing and I’m proud to have delivered on that promise within the first hundred days of my government.

Everybody’s raring to go for the new year?

I’m certainly looking forward to the challenge of leading an invigorated team full of youth, experience, energy, wisdom and Kelvin Davis.

Bit of a numbers mix-up with Treasury this week.

Yes but that’s well in hand. I have a meeting scheduled with the Treasury team at one o’clock so I’m expecting them here about 4.30.

If we could turn to the pressing problem of instability on a global level.

I think ‘‘instability’’ is a little harsh. He did pass his physical this week and in his own words he is a stable genius, so who are we to judge?

I was referring to the Korean Peninsula.

Of course you were and I’m thrilled that my Minister of Foreign Affairs Mr Peters travelled this week to Canada to attend a top-level meeting of ministers to find a way of deescalating this worrying crisis. Do you know it’s more than 11,000 kilometres away?

North Korea?

No, Canada. Isn’t that fascinating?

I suppose. And Minister Peters has returned from Canada?

Oh no, I’ve told him to take as much time as he wants. Have some really in-depth conversations with those other foreign ministers. And then I suggested he might want to go on a cross-country fact-finding tour of the Canadian whisky industry. It could be vital to developing links with our own whisky sector.

I didn’t know we had a whisky sector.

Well fingers crossed, we might do after this!

But how long will Mr Peters be in Canada for?

Obviously not for ever. He should be back by June when I’ve got him pencilled in for some important domestic duties for six weeks or so. But as soon as that’s done he’ll be right back into important international matters! Like Antarctica.

Pardon?

Well as you’ll be aware several nations are signalling they’d like to have a greater influence in the region so it’s important our Minister of Foreign Affairs is completely across this.

What pressure? Which countries?

Well he won’t really know until he’s spent a month or so factfinding at Scott Base.

That’s a rather punishing schedule.

Oh there’s more! I want him flying the flag for us at the Edinburgh Festival, Wimbledon, the Munich Beerfest. He’s going to be a very busy bee. At this rate it’ll be Christmas before I see him again!

You haven’t by any chance been getting any advice from Helen Clark over the break have you?

Oh not much. Just on the usual subjects. Shoes, that sort of thing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, the team from Treasury have just pulled up outside and they’re short on their taxi fare. You wouldn’t have a spare three dollars would you?