A dirtier way of life will be cleaner
We all need to do our bit to clean up the environment and purify our rivers and air.
The latest news makes it seem even harder than we thought.
New research released this week revealed household cleaners, paints and perfumes have become substantial sources of urban air pollution.
Researchers in the US looked at levels of synthetic ‘‘volatile organic compounds’’ in roadside air in Los Angeles and found as much came from industrial and household products refined from petroleum as from vehicle exhaust pipes.
The compounds go into the air and react with other chemicals to produce harmful ozone or fine particulate matter which I am going to refer to in layman’s terms as ‘‘yucky stuff’’. Needless to say they are also bad for your health and for your conscience, if you have one.
This is naturally terrible news for people who like to smell nice and have a clean house as the science seems to suggest we have to live dirtier and smellier.
However for those who hate housework and are always looking for excuses not to do it, the science comes as a godsend.
Most parents justify forcing their children to clean by telling them dirt is unhygienic and could give them horrible skin conditions, serious gastro problems and other intimate diseases too embarrassing to specify other than in complicated medical terms.
Now the kids can simply say cleanerscould give them cancer and they prefer to live with the minor hazards of living in filth. They can also claim to be thinking of the wider public good which makes for a good argument until you suggest they try going to school with unwashed clothes, having two minute showers and not using two litres of shampoo every time they wash their hair.
Of course in most ordinary New Zealand households children don’t do any cleaning even though it is a perfectly manageable activity that a half-intelligent monkey could handle. I know cleaning training has fallen into neglect because of the young ones at work whose kitchen habits suggest they either come from a home covered in layers of disgusting muck or they had a professional cleaner at home who wasn’t one of the family.
Maybe cleaning should be part of the new education reforms Education Minister Chris Hipkins is talking about. He wants to revamp vocational training and is also worried about school property maintenance costs. Perhaps school kids should do the school cleaning thereby saving money and picking up useful skills.
Mind you, I shouldn’t joke. The news industry is in such dire straits I’m expecting to be put on the cleaning roster at work to cut down on cleaning costs. Well, at least I know how.
Mrs VB, when the children were still at home, had a relaxed attitude about them being responsible for specified cleaning jobs. But it wasn’t that she would rather do the cleaning herself to avoid fights with the kids. It was more that it was man’s work and therefore my job. As you can see she wasn’t into traditional gender roles in the home although she does like baking.
Cleaning has given me lots of insights in the world of women trapped at home. For instance, keeping glass showers clean is a nightmare of gender inequality proportions. Only a non-cleaner could think a glass shower cubicle is a good idea.
At this stage you will be thinking about that great quote from comedian Elayne Boosler: ‘‘My mother was so proud of her house cleaning. She always said, ‘You could eat off my floor’. You can eat off my floor, too. There’re thousands of things down there.’’
My mother was keen on cleanliness and if you couldn’t eat off her floor, you certainly wouldn’t worry if you dropped a piece of apple on it.
Like her, I do try although I don’t stress about it as much as she did because, let’s face it, domestic hygiene is really a first world problem.
I don’t know how everyone did their cleaning in the old days. That’s right. They had servants so it wasn’t really much of an issue. But their cleaning products must have been simpler. Salt instead of toothpaste, vinegar instead of harmful chemical cleaners and household collection of slops and other nasties instead of chemical toilet cleaners. People were undoubtedly happier and greener if perhaps not as clean.
Anyway since I have been the main cleaner in the family, I now realise I have been exposed to far more dangerous chemical vapours than the rest of my tribe. It’s time for a change. I suggested as much to Mrs VB but she was thinking more along the lines of us buying some special breathing apparatus for me. She always was very scientific about these things.
"You can eat off my floor. There're thousands of things down there." Comedian Elayne Boosler