Let’s talk about not drinking, kids
There are three teenagers in our family, so the topic of alcohol is often discussed at the dinner table. We have recently had a stream of young visitors joining us from overseas, and what was striking about meeting them was how differently they viewed drinking – their stories often involved ‘‘getting p ..... ’’, which seemed to almost be a badge of honour among them and their friends, and certainly not something to be avoided.
I’m not for a minute suggesting that we don’t have similar issues here in New Zealand, but I think many of our teenagers and young adults are actually making great decisions when it comes to drinking, and possibly far better ones than we did when we were their age. So how do we have this conversation with our young people, and try to point them in the right direction when it comes to making choices about how much/whether to drink?
Firstly, ‘‘official’’ and well-evidenced advice is that young people under 18 are safest not drinking at all. The adage that if you exposed teenagers early to alcohol, they would learn to deal with it responsibly has been completely debunked – in fact, the earlier they start, the more likely they are to have issues with hazardous drinking later.
Their young brains are still developing, and are far more susceptible than ours to the harmful effect of alcohol. I accept that many will start in this age group, but as a parent or caregiver it’s important to try to delay this as long as you can.
Secondly, you CAN have some control over their drinking behaviour. I don’t believe it’s good enough to think it’s ‘‘not your problem’’ as a parent. Most young people who drink (90 per cent of them, in fact), get the alcohol through their parents, caregiver or another family member.
If you can’t or don’t want to avoid them drinking completely, you can limit the amount and strength of what you supply them, which is a great place to start.
Make sure they understand the possible risks of the choices they are making – they have to do this in all areas of their lives, so it’s just another conversation, much like the ones you might have around driving or having sex.
We know when young people drink they are far more likely to be harmed in some way – that includes physical harm, such as injuring themselves falling over, as well as being harmed by someone else. The association between sexual assault and alcohol is undeniable, so if they are choosing to drink, talk to them about doing it safely, staying with their friends, and looking after each other.
We also know that drinking is one of the biggest risk factors for youth suicide – young people who have low mood, depression or are feeling distressed are far more likely to act impulsively on those feelings and take their own lives if they have alcohol in their system.
If anyone you know is in this situation, encouraging them to avoid alcohol until they are in a better head space is important.
Make sure they know all their options – sometimes, all they will see is their mates out drinking, hell-bent on getting drunk, and won’t really have thought through other options.
Talk to them about how to enjoy alcohol without getting drunk – it’s amazing how much money they will save, and how much better they will feel the next morning compared to their peers.
Eating something substantial before a night out, spacing out drinks, having soft drinks in between, and choosing lower-alcohol drinks are all good tactics.
If you’re hosting a party, or your teenager is heading out to one, make sure you know the rules. As mortifying as it is for my son, I always make contact with the host’s parents to check out who is supervising, what the expectations are around alcohol, and so on – usually by phone, but occasionally a text or email if I’m confident that it’s well planned.
This is one thing I won’t negotiate on – the law changes in 2012 state that it is illegal to supply alcohol to anyone under-18 without parental or guardian permission. Therefore, if you host a party and don’t have permission, you are responsible if any harm happens to that young person as a result of drinking. Don’t supply alcohol if you’re hosting – young people are happy to take their own drinks, and that way they and their parents are aware of their agreed limit, and can ensure as far as possible that it is stuck to.
Lastly, model good behaviours at home. As with many of our habits, our kids will watch and copy what we do when it comes to alcohol.
Try to minimise drinking at home, and have
Make sure they understand the possible risks of the choices they are making, so it’s just another conversation, much like the ones you might have around driving or having sex.
social events where you don’t serve alcohol at all.
Having a responsible approach to your drinking means it is more likely your children will do the same – and if things go wrong and they ‘‘trip up’’ from time to time, make sure you’re there to discuss it, provide support and encourage them to think differently next time.