Morning bores damn smug

Morning people are so damn smug. They get up while it’s still dark and go to the gym while the rest of us slumber. You’d think that’d be enough to appease the sense of righteousness wouldn’t you? But no, they’ve got to lecture us, the lazy side of the population, about how virtuous not sleeping is and hassle us to take up their horrible lifestyle.

But we, the lazy, might have been right all along. It’s now looks like sleep might have something going for it beyond being a lazy man’s entertainment.

Now, as we find ourself waist deep in a cult of wellbeing, all it took was for a few yogis and scientists to point out the benefits of sleep and suddenly it seems that lethargic old me may have been right all along.

Anybody remember the good old days of a few years ago? We were bombarded with facts about how all the most successful people slept bugger all.

When we had the last Labour-led government I clearly remember people bragging about how little Helen Clark slept.

"She runs the country and she only sleeps three hours a night," they’d say.

Then people would issue a righteous list of achievers who slept bugger all. Nobody seemed to notice that they all had that harried bag-sunder-eyes look about them.

Besides, half the examples seemed to prove the opposite of the proposition that less sleep is a good idea.

Nikola Tesla only slept a couple of hours a night and he was bats**t mad. Thomas Edison didn’t sleep much at all (probably because he wanted to be as bright as Tesla) and he was a tyrant. And speaking of tyrants Henry Ford preferred power napping instead off getting good night’s sleep and he was one of the leading fascists of his era.

Besides, what’s so good about the morning? It’s cold, it’s dark, the roads are icy, the radio jocks are annoying and the world is full of early risers saying "morning" in that smug way.

Give me the evening, the point when those morning bores are righteously brushing their teeth and applying face cream, and I’ll show you a good time.

All the best stuff happens late at night: pubs, bands, noise complaints, sex… I think I’ll end my list there because what more do you need.

I sleep like a bloody log myself. If there was a sleeping olympics I’d be a national hero for all the medals I would have won.

Thankfully for the logs amongst us, we are now at a point where we acknowledge the value of sleep. Hopefully if this trend continues I can attempt my pitch that maybe as a society we should all hibernate for the whole of July each year.

Just pack up the country and take to our beds for a month. If it’s good enough for bears there must be something in it.

Jeff Bezos is now officially the richest man of the modern era and he famously gets a good night’s sleep. So maybe there’s a new role model for us.

Personally were I the guy who is single handedly responsible for a large chunk of the world’s capital inequality, I think I’d sleep uneasily on my expensive sheets, but that’s probably the difference between me and those who control the world’s wealth.

At least no matter how rich or poor we are, a good night’s sleep is available to us all. And thanks to modern science we can now do this without the guilt trip.

Sleep well folks.