Breaking rules for exotic cars

Irecently received a phone call from a bloke wanting to offload a pack of rare Peugeot cars. What a prospect. I’d missed out on 911s and cryptocurrency, so I wasn’t going to miss this investment opportunity. To fund the sale I had to break my own rule, which I’d set out in this very column. I sold my wife’s Toyota Corolla.

My rule was: buy the best Corolla you can afford. This was what my wife and I did.

More specifically, we bought a Toyota Blade – essentially a Corolla in a slutty dress. Wasn’t it Shakespeare who said something like, ‘‘a Corolla would be as reliable by any other name’’?

The Toyota was a hell of a car. It was reliable, easy to park, the heater honked and it even said ‘‘Merry Christmas’’ on December 25.

But once I’d done my research on the Peugeot

405 Mi16, the Toyota was on TradeMe faster than you can say ‘‘reliable and safe’’.

Because what are rules for if not for breaking? The Peugeot 405 Mi16 is everything a Toyota isn’t: expensive for the first owner, plummeting in value and reliability with every subsequent owner, fast, exciting and sure to be a collectable classic.

The car was voted European Car of the Year

1989 by the largest winning margin in history. Now three of my Pugs were standard Mi16s, but one was even more special; it was the 4WD version which had a complicated Citroen rear suspension and an eye-watering price tag of $108,000 when sold new in Christchurch.

By comparison, in 1989 you could have bought a house in Fendalton for that sort of dosh.

That didn’t wash with my wife.

‘‘I don’t care how much it cost when it was new,’’ she said as our Toyota was driven off by its smiling new owner.

‘‘Have I mentioned European Car of the year

1989?’’

‘‘Yes.’’

‘‘By the largest winning margin.’’

‘‘Go away.’’

When I drive the Peugeots, I get a sense of what it must have been like to be successful in the early

1990s, something the Toyota never provided. Now I need to convince my wife how exotic the cars are. If you can get past the non-functioning heaters, the dodgy European electrics, the fact they’re prone to hand-grenading themselves, or that that the clear coat peels off at speed, the cars are magnificent.

They drive great, stop well, go around corners like they’re on rails and you get four of them for the price of a Toyota. What’s not to love?

A fella came into my work. He’d heard I’d bought the 4WD and he wanted to tell me about the good old days when his mate had owned my car.

‘‘We did 215kmh up Tram Rd one afternoon,’’ he said.

I went home and told my wife.

Nothing.

She was grumpy she had to wear a hat and gloves when driving over winter.

So I agreed to sell one and raffle another. Then, if all goes according to plan, I can keep the exotic one as a racecar, buy a new Toyota and save my marriage.

If you know anyone looking for a surefire investment, please have them get in touch with me. I know a guy who’ll sell you a Peugeot Mi16 for about the price of a used Corolla.

It’s sure to go up in value because, god knows, it can’t get worth much less.

My wife is also in the market for a new husband if you know of any available. She’s looking for something reliable.