Blame must stop if we’re to break family violence cycle
Too many Ma¯ori are in prison for domestic violence offences, says victims’ advocate Maanki. They must take responsibility for their choices if they want a better future for their wha¯nau.
Iam Ma¯ ori. Tuhinga o mua Nga¯ ti Ha¯ mua a Te Hika a Pa¯ pa¯ uma. Ko taku iwi Nga¯ ti Kahungunua a Rangita¯ ne. I am Scottish, I am English, I am a New Zealander. I am not defined by the colour of my skin. I am a victim. I did not choose to be a victim.
I am a victim of my father’s hand. My father was brought up on the Pahiatua Marae. His mother was young, she became a victim of a kaumatua’s violence. He was conceived by violence, a tamaiti (child) of rape. The rapist was a family member.
My father was taken from his mother, away from his wha¯ nau, his iwi and his marae after his father was incarcerated. He went on to live in state care until a foster family was found.
My father was taught violence by the people who were supposed to protect and nurture him. Anger followed him, the violence forever ingrained in his heart.
He knew right from wrong, he had a choice. He did not stop the cycle of abuse, and he punished me for the actions of his past.
I was a child when it started, an adult when it stopped. Like his father, he was incarcerated for crimes of child abuse, violence and rape.
I did not choose to be a victim, but I chose not to harm others. I broke the ongoing cycle of generational abuse. The cycle of abuse that was carried through three generations of Ma¯ ori stopped with me.
‘‘Take care of our children. Take care of what they hear, take care of what they feel. For how the children grow, so will be the shape of Aotearoa’’ – Dame Whina Cooper. Mohio ana ahau ko wai ahau, e mohio ana ahau ki te wahi e tu ana ahau. Me puta te huringa – I know who I am, I know where I stand. Change must happen.
At the recent Justice Summit in Wellington, Cabinet minister Kelvin Davis shared these words: ‘‘As Ma¯ ori we need to take care of our own, rather than closing our doors. We need to face up to and free ourselves from the violence that many of our people, our wha¯ nau, struggle with.’’
If we want to see fewer Ma¯ ori in prison, our wha¯ nau broken apart because dad is in prison and mum is now in rangi (heaven), we must free ourselves and our wha¯ nau from the increasing level of domestic violence and abuse in our homes. The drugs must stop, the high level of drinking and violence among our own must be gone.
How many of our fathers are incarcerated, because their fathers taught them the only way to deal with anger was violence, to punch their way through a situation. How many of our wha¯ nau have lost a mother, a child, a brother from our people’s own hand.
The blame needs to stop. It is not the police, the system, the state, the Government, the justice system or even the Pa¯ keha¯ who made a man beat his wife to death, to rape an innocent stranger, to murder their own child or to sexually abuse a daughter or son.
No, it was a choice, a choice made by a perpetrator. Ma¯ ori make up 51 per cent of the male prison population, and 60 per cent of the female muster.
No child asks to be harmed, nor to watch their dads beating their mums. If we were all true to our Ma¯ ori traditions, our tikanga respecting the mothers of our children, our wha¯ nau, our honour, keeping our wha¯ nau safe would be paramount.
Ma¯ ori need to take an honest look at their own behaviours first. Our children need to have the chance to grow up safe, educated and free from violence.
Davis went on to say: ‘‘We need to do something together to create a different future for Ma¯ ori and for their wha¯ nau.’’
This cycle needs to stop. The men, the fathers, the grandfathers, the elders in prison who have abused their own need to stand up, take ownership and responsibility and say ‘‘Enough’’. No more blaming everybody and everything for the crimes offenders have chosen to commit.
Prison is a punishment for those who have committed crimes; prison is not based on the colour of your skin. If you are sent to prison it is because you committed a crime, a choice made only by you.
To see a future with fewer Ma¯ ori men and Ma¯ ori women in prison will take more than talks and hui. It starts with Ma¯ ori, rethinking and reteaching the respect, the whakaute, to our children and to one another.
It will be a hard, long road but one that will benefit our future generations, to help our tamariki grow not as offenders, but strong, happy iwi that will have a positive influence on future generations to come.
Hapaitia tea ra tika pumua ai te rangatiratanga mo nga uri whakatipu – Foster the pathway of knowledge and strength, independence and growth for future generations.