New kid on the UN block
To dangle the baby or not to dangle the baby in public, that is the question. Just before Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern came back from maternity leave, Parliament’s Speaker Trevor Mallard issued a strong warning to journalists. In the interests of a family-friendly Parliament, anyone caught taking unauthorised photos of baby Neve would have their accreditation and fingernails removed forthwith.
Flash forward three months to the PM turning up at the United Nations with Neve Te Aroha in tow, where not only the world, but also New Zealand, got to have their first decent gander at the ‘‘First Baby’’.
Unfortunately for Simon Bridges, the Opposition couldn’t make too much out of the changed attitude in baby exposure, because he himself has recently appeared with his newborn on the cover of a local women’s magazine. And let’s face it, a Kiwi women’s magazine cover doesn’t cut it compared with images that went across the world of the youngest human being ever to grace the General Assembly.
Previously the only glimpse of Neve has been a discreet one of the top of the back of her head. The full frontal of Neve’s face (even though for the most part, it appeared to have a dummy stuck in it) provoked disapproval from those who cried flipflop, and from some who believe that politicians’ babies should be neither seen nor heard. To them Neve’s appearance in the hallowed halls of the UN was possibly as shocking as Michael Jackson dangling his baby son, Blanket, over a hotel balcony back in 2002.
The prime minister says she likes to keep her baby near to her at all times, implying she is still breastfeeding. Fortunately, so far, there have been no complaints of any rogue lactation squirts misfiring and landing on the shoulders of UN delegates. Heaven forbid the scandal if hard-earned Kiwi taxpayer dollars had to be spent on drycleaning bills. The soiling of expensive heads of state suits would put a massive dent in our trade deficit, and put us years back in diplomacy.
Donald J Trump is still probably wishing that if only that goddam Downunder baby had screamed her lungs out during his How Great Thou Art speech, it might have blocked the mocking laughter. Are babies really being exploited when they have their photographs or images filmed? Surely babies’ dials don’t have a proper physiognomy or firm facial identity? Most look like Robert Muldoon or Winston Churchill for weeks and months, till their little features start forming up like a photo negative developing in a processing tray.
The only risk to baby Neve might have been from desperado heads of state looking for photo opportunities of the politician kissing a baby variety. Neve may have been plucked out of the security of Clarke Gayford’s manly mitts and swept up into politicians’ arms for smooches, thus incurring bruised cheeks or the contracting of an exotic flu strain.
Fijian Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama posted a photo thanking our prime minister for bringing Neve to the General Assembly because the infant brought a much-needed perspective to the occasion. He believed Neve’s presence was a timely reminder to world leaders to look out for the future of their children rather than themselves.
Whether she likes it or not, Neve has accomplished her first diplomatic act. She has done a Chauncey Gardiner in just being there and bringing universal baby love.
Move over Shirley Temple Black, that former Hollywood child star who grew up to become a UN ambassador. Our baby Neve’s the new kid on the United Nations block.