Gift registries: The horror, the horror ...
Opinion: It’s just as well that wedding businesses provide tips on how not to appear grasping, writes Rob Stock.
Wedding gift registries are a dubious invention.
They carry the tangible whiff of people who have spent too much on their weddings tapping the resources of friends and family to buy them things they could have bought for themselves had they opted for a cheaper occasion.
But the ways wedding registry companies promote them elevates them from dubious to morally indefensible.
Take the sample registry list from Mildred & Co.
It’s composed of designer homewares that were once the kind of later-in-life luxuries well-off people would buy when they had paid the mortgage off, and had run out of other things to spend their money on.
I mean, do a starting out newly wedded couple desperately need a $239 ice bucket from Oro?
And what’s behind asking loved ones to spend $139 on a ‘‘sweeper and funnel’’. That’s a posh dustpan and brush to humble folk like you and I.
The sample list has a Gaussian three-tier storage vessel for $149. No Tupperware for these newlyweds.
There’s a teapot for $165.
I hate to mention the measuring spoons. After the teapot, $39 seems almost reasonable, but do they really have to be luminous?
What’s that for? Midnight baking in a power cut?
This isn’t a list for people setting up a home in the traditional sense, stocking the kitchen with the sturdy basics needed for hearty home cooking.
This is a list for a couple setting up a home worthy of a magazine spread.
Wedding registries are also used to beg money for luxury honeymoons.
The Tying the Knot registry provides examples: ‘‘Liz & Regan intend to honeymoon in Mexico and Cuba. While they haven’t finalised the details, they hope to go in around April/May..., and enjoy themselves with diving, sightseeing, trekking, eating tacos and drinking mojitos, kiteboarding and chilling out. The trip would include a romantic resort style accommodation, flights for both return (if they want to come back!), restaurant vouchers/credit and some activities.’’
Auckland Weddings has some useful tips that unintentionally catch the sense of entitlement gift registry companies promote.
‘‘It’s not every day you get to create a full wish list of luxury items! If you enjoy shopping and envisioning lots of beautiful things for your life, creating a gift registry may be one of the most fun wedding planning tasks on your list.’’
It even suggests tips on how not to seem too bold and grasping.
‘‘It’s an etiquette faux pas to allude to or ask for gifts, even worse to ask for particular gifts! For this reason, you should avoid referencing a registry on your wedding invitation.
‘‘Instead, the bridal party or family members can direct people to it if asked, or the registry details can be included on the wedding website for people to find. However, if you would like to provide all of the information to guests yourself, then slipping a note with your registry details into the invitation envelope is not unusual.’’
Newlyweds should not, however, be shy about their demands.
‘‘It’s a good idea to register for a bit more than you think you’ll need,’’ Auckland Weddings advises; ‘‘but remember that you can always add things as you go to maintain a good selection of gifts.’’
And don’t worry if you already have lots of stuff. Everyone could do with better stuff. Remember, this is an opportunity to get friends and family to upgrade your lifestyle at their expense.
‘‘Reflect on whether there’s anything you’d like to upgrade for a better model (this is the perfect opportunity!), or anything that’s simply seen better days and is due for a replacement,’’ it suggests.
I sincerely hope this kind of thinking is limited to the pipedreams of businesses marketing wedding registry services.
While I have no problem with a bit of wealth transfer down from older family members who can afford it, we live in an age of high house prices, student debt, and mega-mortgages.
People getting married should think carefully about the financial burdens they put on their friends, siblings, cousins and other similarly-aged loved ones.