Confusing concoction of attitudes to colour

So yes, sometimes we can be xenophobic but it’s not necessarily because we hate foreigners.

I’ve been thinking a lot over the last week about whether New Zealand is racist. Well, actually we already know that we’re a bit racist. Saying that often causes a lot of kneejerk ‘‘we’re not f...ing racist! Look at Australia . . .’’ denial. But when we calm down, almost all Kiwis agree.

According to the recent Harvard-based study, 98 per cent of Kiwis actually do think people face discrimination on the basis of race in New Zealand.

A far more interesting question is what’s our relationship with racism? Because ask anyone who’s not white and you’ll hear again and again that New Zealand is both casually racist and also deeply tolerant . . . Yes, there are hardcore racists. But what’s far more common is being both casually racist and also very accepting. So what on earth does that mean? We’re racist but we don’t mean it?

Well, we can start with something we know. Jacinda Ardern would never be able to tell any MPs of colour to ‘‘go back and help fix the totally broken and crime-infested places from which they came’’, like Donald Trump did this week in reaction to his administration being criticised. If she did she’d be fired faster than you could say ‘‘Murica!’’

But that’s not to say we don’t ever casually tell migrants to go back to their own countries. Especially if they’re challenging us on an aspect of how New Zealand is run. I know because I used to get told all the time to F off back to England.

If you’re a migrant you’ll know what I’m talking about here. It’s what happens when you try to critique any part of New Zealand culture. When I first moved here from London, Auckland’s public transport was about as reliable as trying to catch a dolphin to ride to work. But every time I pointed this out I’d be told to F off home if I didn’t like it. It was bananas. People actually agreed with what I was saying. But the longer I stayed here the more I realised it wasn’t about that.

I’d actually hit a nerve of cultural insecurity, because deep down we still struggle with the fear

we’re not quite as good as other countries.

So yes, sometimes we can be xenophobic but it’s not necessarily because we hate foreigners. It’s because you may have hit this huge cultural sore spot that affects everything from our politics to our arts scene to the way we talk to foreigners about public transport.

But it’s obvious that we are casually racist. Even as a white person I know that, at my old posh school the boys would joke about building a theme park to hunt Ma¯ oris. And white people will go into (when it’s just you two) awful racist rants assuming that’s fine because you’re white. And it comes from a place of ignorance, disgust and fear.

And you only have to ask someone who’s not white to hear worse stories. I’ve been interviewing migrant youth on their experiences and they all say the same. If you’re not white, you’ve experienced casual racism. Whether that’s someone yelling ‘‘terrorist!’’ at you from a car or being followed around a shop when you’re trying to buy something . . . But despite this, most of them still say they find this country deeply tolerant and accepting.

So we’re both? Simultaneously? That’s like a care bear holding a chainsaw, it’s not a combination that intuitively goes together.

But it got me thinking about when I have seen a weird version of this before: after I started working my first properly non-middle-class job MCing a touring strip show. It took me a long time to get used to the way the multicultural crew traded racist insults to each other in an affectionate way. It was even weirder still to be called a ‘‘f...ing honky’’ as a sign that I’d made the team. And everything was cool when they called me a honky (#teambonding) but if anyone else did then s..t was about to go down . . .

It was the first time I realised that in some worlds people talk racist smack to other people and still like them.

I’ve also seen time and time again when racism isn’t from hatred, it’s from not thinking. It’s probably best summed up by my old neighbour, a grumpy 60-something Pa¯ keha¯ man who often went on long rants about ‘‘f...ing Asian immigrants . . .’’

This is despite the fact that he was deeply in love with his Filipino wife, doted on his halfFilipino kids and absolutely thinks that anyone who comes to New Zealand can be a Kiwi. Clearly he was happy to parrot casual stereotypes without thinking about them for long enough to realise he didn’t actually believe them.

So we’re both simultaneously casually racist and also deeply accepting and tolerant? We are casually racist because we are ignorant and also because we want to bond? What does that make us – except confused?